One of the more amusing/annoying things about cricket is the perception of those who rarely watch that it is a quiet game, civilised and genteel.
It is the epitome of the English summer, the church or pub team lobbing the ball 22 yards with the (occasional) thwack of leather on willow as the verger/lounge lizard finally makes contact and everyone applauds before making their way off to sample the cucumber sandwiches.
Has there ever been a game so misjudged in the public consciousness? Club cricket is what it has always been, a sport that is highly competitive as is any other. In league terms, winning a division or a cup matters as much to those who do so as any Ashes win in the public consciousness. Yet it is has always been amusing to note the surprise amongst non-initiates when they see it.
Many years ago, my then brother-in-law came down to watch a match for a bit. He pulled me to one side and observed that it was very quick. “What is?” I replied. “The bowling, it’s really quick”. Looking up, I saw a decent seamer and nothing more. I was somewhat baffled and asked him what he’d expected to see because this wasn’t anything out of the ordinary and quicker bowlers played most weeks. He was astonished.
The same astonishment would be there at the sight of bruising, broken bones and stitches. How could this elegant sport be like this?
Patiently explaining that standing 22 yards away from a lunatic trying to knock your head off wasn’t quite what they thought it was, and that if they wanted to know what that was like they were welcome to don the pads and helmet and stand in the nets would then be met with a politely bemused shake of the head.
Certainly A & E departments up and down the land will roll their eyes at the mention of the game, their Saturdays and Sundays being filled with the regular sight of people dressed in white with smashed noses, broken fingers or wrapped in bandages stained with red. Indeed, many a cricketer feeling sorry for himself will be greeted with “Oh for God’s sake, not another one” by the triage nurse.
Players themselves are of course quite proud of this. Pub chat will tend to swiftly turn to the times facing a proper fast and nasty and the numbers of huge purple bruises across the rib cage that were regarded as badges of honour.
In order for it to be a real pub tale though, it requires more than to be just hit by a snarling wannabe Shoaib Akhtar, it must have been sustained in a manner that allows for self-deprecating piss-take.
To that end, if you are sitting comfortably, I shall begin:
As a player who opened the batting and kept wicket for many years in league cricket, the physical peril has always been part of the fun of it. Indeed, I was more or less the last generation to come through and bat without a helmet. That didn’t mean I never wore one, for sometimes you would have those who would be above 80mph on the speed gun. But it did become one of those things getting older that would be an internal war of the brain, one half saying “don’t be so stupid” and the other responding “I don’t do this”.
Eventually a close younger friend tore me off a strip saying that he really hated it, and spent the time watching me bat against quicker bowlers worried about me being hit. That hadn’t occurred to me at any point. Which is why it was selfish.
Walking out to the middle once and being greeted with astonishment by a fielder was one thing. Saying “why, do you have anyone quick?” when he was already bowling probably wasn’t the most sensible response I could have made. And of course when you’ve gone out without one, pride won’t let you then ask for it as you realise this bloke is a bit sharp. No one ever said cricketers are the brightest, though getting hit on the inside of the knee is far, far more painful than being hit in the box.
And yet the most downright embarrassing injury had nothing to do with the normal risk faced, and the consequences of it still make me cringe to this day.
For wicketkeepers live with mashed fingers, with bruised wrists and chins – as an aside, if the keeper is standing up, and you pad up to the spinner, don’t be surprised if you get a look of unremitting hatred from behind the stumps. That’s when the keeper gets hit, for the ball heads straight up off the pad, you aren’t expecting it and have no chance of getting out of the way. If you’ve ever wondered at the foul and abusive language behind the stumps, that’s why.
What you don’t expect is to get hurt when someone throws the ball in from the boundary. A simple cut down to third man, a jogged single. It happens thousands of times of a weekend. The throw came in, high and loopy. Moving forward to catch it, it was as routine as it could be. Until first slip thought it a great idea to try and catch it. Misjudging it, it instead flicked his fingers and deflected straight into my eyebrow.
Now this wasn’t remotely a heavy impact, and it didn’t hurt at all, but the thing about the face is that the skin is stretched tight and it tears. The other thing is that heads bleed. A lot. It’s a surprising feeling, one minute you’re standing there, the next a curtain of red is flowing across your eyes.
From there it was chaos, lying on the ground in no pain whatever as bandages are wound round with some team mates walking away because they feel queasy. Thanks lads.
By now bound up like the invisible man, our scorer suggests a trip to hospital might be an idea. You think? And off we go.
Arriving at A & E, the first question asked is whether consciousness was lost. Answering truthfully in the negative mostly from sheer embarrassment at the situation was met with rage from my escort, who pointed out that was adding about two hours to the visit. Sorry mate.
Looking around, I could see I wasn’t alone, indeed there were about three others all with the sheepish look of the cricketer embarrassed to be seen in public in whites. Well red and whites anyway.
After debating the monumental unfairness of life at receiving stitches (eight of them for the record) from a truly stunning nurse while looking like I’d gone six rounds with Mike Tyson, we got out of the hospital and ambled back to the game.
About five miles away, his mobile phone rang. So I answered it (he was driving of course, we’re a law abiding bunch). “Um. Where are you?”. “We’re about 15 minutes away, why?”. “Oh we’re eight down”.
My driver then decided he wasn’t so law abiding after all, while I debated the irony of being potentially killed in a crash trying to get back from hospital. As we pulled in to the ground, I got out and was met by the sight of team mates sprinting to the car carrying assorted pads, gloves (those are right handed ones you idiots) and a bat. Two of them are putting someone else’s boots on me, another two the pads (also right handed – was it so hard to find my kit in the changing room?) as the ninth wicket falls.
Now by this point the opposition are doubled over in fits of laughter at the chaos going on at the boundary edge as a grown man is dressed by people who have clearly never dressed another in their lives. Their skipper stepped in, removing any question of being timed out by saying that since I had actually got there before the wicket fell, they wouldn’t be appealing. Good on him, it was a league game, he didn’t have to do that.
As any cricketer knows, walking out to the middle in someone else’s kit feels really strange. Plus having missed most of the game anyway, the whole situation felt surreal. It occurred to me I had no idea what the score was or how long was left. Ah yes, about five overs, no problem.
There was a short delay as I refused the helmet offered. On this occasion it wasn’t bravado either, for my eye was swelling up and if I put the helmet on I wouldn’t be able to see a bloody thing.
Naturally enough, the bowlers took that as a sign they could bowl bouncers, which I didn’t mind in the least as ducking those is second nature. The bigger problem was my ferret of a batting partner who had spied the 25 to win and was dead set on throwing the bat to try and gain victory. Given the league position (we were top, they were second) not losing was far more important than winning, and after a swift bollocking that I hadn’t come back to watch him get out, he eventually let me have the strike. To this day he insists he would have won it. Let’s put it this way, his highest score in 500+ matches is 20, and he has taken more wickets than scored runs. Which is quite an achievement. I didn’t have a lot of confidence in him, his finest moment was his squeal in another match when a genuine quickie flicked his calves with one down the leg side. I asked him that day if that was the quickest bowler he’d ever faced. His answer was priceless: “I don’t know, normally I can see the ball”.
The rest is entirely routine, the match was saved with few dramas. By now sweating, the next crisis came when figuring out how to shower and keep the dressing dry. Ah well.
I therefore didn’t think too much of events, it had been a bit odd, but nothing more; the pub that evening was full of people wetting themselves with laughter and getting home the same highly amused reaction was received. The day had been peculiar to say the least, but it was nothing that would merit much further consideration.
Monday was fun. I had a job interview. By this point the whole of one side of my face had swollen up, I had a black eye to be proud of and marvelled at how the body reacted so strongly to nothing other than a glancing blow.
When trying to get a job, I can recommend to everyone that “don’t worry, I haven’t had a fight” is not the best introductory line to prospective employers. Suffice to say I didn’t get it.
But it was Wednesday that was the worst day. Oh, by far the worst. For that was the day when the county wide newspaper reports on the weekend club cricket came out. And I was on the back page. The horror increased as I saw the angle taken, which was to compare me to Colin Cowdrey, using words like “hero”, “brave” and “courageous”.
It’s a sodding cut for God’s sake.
It got worse, there were 800 words describing the heroic ducking and diving against pace bowling (it wasn’t either heroic nor pacy), and that as my team mates fell to the challenge, I stood tall and repelled all boarders. Alone. Horatio at the bridge reincarnated.
The worst part was knowing this was just the start. The phone buzzed with team mates asking if I’d seen the paper yet, some total shit (you know who you are) thought it a great idea to fax the article to all my colleagues, the mother-in-law spent years teasing me about me being so brave, another total shit (and they were racking up the scores in the total shit stakes) decided to pin the article to the club noticeboard, while yet another took great delight in showing it to everyone in the pub. Pubs. Oh God, even going elsewhere didn’t save me.
For two bloody weeks I had people coming up to me praising me for the wonderful story they’d read in the paper. Naturally they couldn’t understand the sniggering next door from a team mate who had plainly primed them with the tale in advance. By this point I wanted to murder my captain who had spun this to the reporter with a skill Alastair Cook could only dream about.
Nearly 15 years later, I still cringe at the memory. I do occasionally get reminded of it, and have to put up with the bloody story being told yet again, with all the sarcasm that can possibly be mustered by the person telling it. Yes, Graham. You.
All of which says that cricket might not be a gentle sport, but there’s nothing so vicious as when your team mates decide to stitch you up better than a nurse ever could.
As you might have guessed, TLG and I have been busy, and in my case in particular, lacking a bit of oomph to continually update the blog. This doesn’t last, you all know that, but we will be back soon.
Today is the second ODI, and comments can be added below. At time of writing there’s rain about so the start is delayed. The first ODI showed, in my view, that there’s still a bit of an issue chasing targets, which we have a couple of years to fix in advance of the Champions Trophy being played here in 2017.
Congratulations to Surrey on their promotion, clinched with a Gareth Batty hat-trick. I saw the pretty insipid first day’s play with Benny Bowden and it was lovely to meet him and chew the fat. He has told me who needs to be number two in my Test Centuries review. Surrey looked listless on Tuesday, and Ansari took four on the day. Chesney Hughes impressed me with his play.
As for today, we’ll hear the talking points. Are Roy and Hales an opening partnership? Are we wasting Moeen Ali? Is Jos Buttler mentally shot? Are we fed up with talking points? Is it becoming boring playing Australia? Have you read Alec Swann’s review of Death of a Gentleman? Do I need to seek help as I sort of agreed with Michael Henderson’s piece in the Cricketer?
Oh well. Enjoy whatever the day brings….
(quick note from TLG to apologise for my absence recently. This is my busy time of the year unfortunately, and I’ve been away most of the last few weeks. October is even worse. But I do have a couple of “different” posts to write. One I’ll do today and activate tomorrow. Because guess what, I’m away again. Arrrrgggh.)
Sorry for the lack of posts. I won’t lie, but really had better things to do this week. There won’t be an update until tomorrow night at the earliest.
However, we have the first ODI today and I’m sure you will all want your say! I’m a bit worn out with it all!
I have the final Ashes panel to put together, I went to Surrey v Derbyshire on Tuesday and there will be the end of season poll, including the prestigious “worst journalist” award. No nominations in advance, please!
A little bit late to the party, a bit like Birmingham, but if you have any comments on the play today, feel free to jot them down here – along with any comments on the current test match between Sri Lanka and India.
As part of a larger project that I doubt I’ll ever finish, but to try to stimulate a little debate and a lot of memories, I thought I’d concentrate on some of our finest players and their test hundreds. It’ll be a little potted history of each, with comments and excerpts along the way. Also there will be memories and personal anecdotes on some of the hundreds. Again, another idea on the walk to the station.
I thought I’d start with Graham Thorpe. As people may know, I’m a Surrey fan. I’m also a massive Thorpe fan. One of my greatest days in test cricket was watching his return from the family crisis that nearly ended his test career. Indeed, that will be in the piece below. But first, we need to go back to that Ashes series of 1993 for the first of Thorpe’s test centuries. The first of 16.
I reconstituted the Ashes Panel for one last go around. The first set will give their immediate responses, and the second set, which I’ll send out in the next couple of days, will have had a little longer to contemplate.
Once again, thanks to everyone for the spirit they entered into this, the excellent contributions and the success of this format. I think it’s worked really well, and we’ve also encouraged a couple of the panel members to write pieces (see Chappers piece below on batting, which had me and TLG debating last night over copious Krusovices).
The panel is large, the answers are large. So for this airing we have Mr North London, Sean B; the Batting Guru, Chappers; the quickest off the draw, Dr. Melf; one of the limited number on here to have met me, KeyserChris; Our Man on The Cote D’Azur, Rooto; and the Agent Provocateur, the meltdown Man in a Barrel. We may be joined later with some poetry from The Bogfather….
This time I asked five questions, with a bonus one that was voluntary. I’d actually like all of you to comment on the last one if you can. It paints a picture.
So, fire away, with six of the best answering six of the best.
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1. First up, your reaction to the series as a whole. What do you think of the five tests played?
Dr.Melf – A truly extraordinary series, but not in a great way. It’s like the two teams agreed who would win each match in advance (possibly through paper-scissors- stone) and made little effort to make it look like a context thereafter. On the whole games were won by who played least badly, rather than most well. We got the Ashes back but there was little to drive engagement with Test cricket. There was more excitement in two tests with the Black Caps than this whole series. Poor stuff.
Chappers – This has been the hardest panel to answer.
Much like the Pointer Sisters, when it comes to an Ashes series, or any test match series, I prefer a slow hand and for it not to come and go in a heated rush.
Frankly the tourists were terrible for three tests and we were pathetic at Lord’s then suffered from dead rubber syndrome at the Oval.
We performed without an opening batsman and a keeper who looked muddled as to his role with the bat. No number 3 and Joe root digging us out of hole after hole.
Hard decisions need to be made with our batting. More on that below.
The bowling has some talent, but I worry about the lack of pace in some of the later spells from both Finn and Wood – for that I have very little answer, although I am not sure how much cricket they will get in the UAE.
Rooto – I’m very glad I didn’t pay any money especially to watch them. I can appreciate the thrill of lesser-quality, rollercoaster cricket when I’m reading, listening to or streaming it for free, but I feel a little sorry for anyone who handed over hard-earned folding stuff expecting to revel in the thrill of Test battles. It was more thud-and-blunder than blood-and-thunder. Conclusions: First, forget Sky, and stick to TMS and insightful writing where I can find it (particularly here). Second, don’t expect many 4 or 5-day pitches in future summers.
KeyserChris – There’s been one “normal” Test – Cardiff, won by Root’s ton. The rest of the series has been some below-par cricket punctuated by a handful of good innings & some brilliant bowling spells. I won’t be rushing out to buy the DVD…
Sean B – I think my overwhelming feeling is one that includes a little bit of antipathy, a little bit of hollowness and a lot of ‘meh’, England may have come out on top and won the Ashes, but these were two average sides each showing their clear weaknesses for all to see; indeed this was not a series that was anywhere near high on quality and will probably go down as one of the poorest “close series” in recent times. Compared to what was on offer in 2005, which I believe was the pinnacle of Ashes cricket, and to a lesser extent in 2009, where England squeaked through despite generally being outplayed in most of that series, this series rather resembled two portly men arguing over the last sausage at a BBQ. I’m still not quite sure why neither team were unable to rouse themselves when they were up against the wall or to at least launch a rear guard defence and show some fight, but what is undeniably true, is that the team who were able to exert pressure in the first innings went on to easily win the match. Naturally, I’m happy that we won the Ashes and there were sterling performances by Root and Broad, but my first feelings about this year’s Ashes are that this has been a case of complete overkill, purely designed to feed the ECB coffers, with this being the third Ashes series in the last 3 years; Indeed I think the phrase “over-familiarity can breed contempt” was made for this series. This is something that I seriously worry about in future (now that the big three have carved up international cricket between them) that test series’ will be played not for sporting endeavour or for any attempt to spread growth and equality in the game, but instead series being played purely for the financial gain of the big three. Now that is a truly depressing thought.
MiaB – It was a mediocre series. I normally think a series is mediocre when the bowlers on both sides dominate the batting but you tend to get some batsman who can handle things, which makes for interesting viewing. However, there has been very little quality batting on display – some resolution from Rogers, some class from Smith, Root and Ali, some enterprise from Johnson, Broad and Starc, and in the case of Warner, someone oft-derided as a one-day player, a serious attempt to fashion a method of handling the conditions. If the English attack had bowled against England’s batters, how would they have fared? The only one with a reasonable return is Root. I hate greentops because they destroyed English cricket in the 60s and 70s….any bowler can bang the ball down just short of a length and get unplayable movement. I remember how Peter Lever, Mike Hendrick, Chris Old, Geoff Arnold and co would seem unplayable in England and then get whacked all over the place in Australia and West Indies. I still carry the scars. If Mohammed Asif, who got movement on Pakistani pitches, had been bowling at Edgbaston and Trent Bridge, what would his analyses have been?
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2. The clear narrative is that England have a young team that will have its shares of ups and downs. Pretty much everyone believed we’d lose this series. Should there be such worried noises?
Dr. Melf – It’s a young talented team who will make errors as they learn their craft. With the right guidance and leadership I think they have the potential to be really exciting. Experience will temper their current bursts of over-excitement. I would really like to see our best ex-players involved in coaching and mentoring.
Chappers – We need a team of consistent hardened performers. That won’t happen overnight, but it will help of we can get some batting which is less flaky and gives our bowlers more time with their feet up. This is vital. Selection and time will help this. Choose the right players and persevere with them. Buttler, Stokes and Root are, Bell and Lyth are not, I don’t know about Bairstow. Rashid is a colossal gamble. Rooto – I think the ECB and England Team Fans should be delighted. Enough of them have performed above expectations, or been allowed to overperform – no notoverperform, justoutperform the Aussies – this series. Job done, rejoice, nothing else to see here. There is still potential for growth and for a bit of dead wood to be removed (BTW that’s not wishing any harm on Wood, in case of deliberate misunderstanding by some…).
We, Supporters of Cricket, are the ones who should be worried, by how easily the media narrative has been infantilised, dissenting views attacked without scruple and wider issues swept under the carpet – issues which will grow to an unsightly lump under the carpet in the coming years. Short-term, the ECB can celebrate ‘the beginning of a cycle’. Long-term, they’ll go down with the rest of the ship.
KeyserChris – Yes. Opening is still a major issue. Cook had two good knocks, but yet again his partner has failed. Ali replacing Lyth is a cute solution, but only for the UAE. It doesn’t fix the issue for SA & beyond. The middle order needs to improve, but doesn’t need personnel change necessarily. Buttler needs to improve, but the fast bowling is OK. In terms of spin, we are still nowhere. Ali should only be a secondary spinner at best
Sean B – Yes there should, and although we won, it was hardly a glorious victory and this is highlighted by some of the batting and bowling averages which show we should not kid ourselves into thinking we’re a top team yet. We beat an Australian team who were not as good as they thought they are, made some terrible selection errors and couldn’t bat on swinging/seaming pitches (after all, they thrashed us both times the pitch didn’t offer any lateral movement). We can’t keep relying on Root to score runs by the truckload or for Jimmy or Broad to blow away the opposition batsmen, especially away from home where sides will look to play on our weaknesses. The truth is we can’t find an opener for love nor money, our number 3 (who used to be our number 4) may be in terminal decline and may retire and we don’t have an international class spinner (Moeen, for me, is still a batting allrounder). Add this into the fact that Bairstow hasn’t been convincing, Buttler has been in terrible nick and Captain Fantastic isn’t pulling up any trees (nor has he for the past few years), means more than a headache or two for Mr Bayliss & Co, in the face of two very challenging away tours. If I look on a more positive front, I think the seam bowling attack has good potential, Root is a world class player and I do think Buttler will come good, but I think we are at best a mid-table team in the grand scheme of things at the moment.
MiaB – The strange thing is that this young team could not handle the good conditions at Lords and the Oval. The bowling lacked penetration and imagination – look at what Siddle achieved compared with Finn and Stokes. The batting lacked application. If you take Root and Ali out of the series, the England batting was terrible. Only three times did they get more than 300 runs in an innings and Australia were not much better. The problems that we had at the start of the series have not been solved. The openers are an issue – I think the reason why Cook wants to continue as captain as that is the only way he can rely on being picked. His batting returns are not so remarkable, especially if the guy batting with you is scoring even less than you. However, if he can be an opener averaging 37 then Bell should be allowed to continue at #3, averaging 36. The middle order batting is an issue. perhaps Ballance should come back in at 5, because I do not think Bairstow is the answer. He does not look significantly more robust technically than he did when he was dropped. It is worth sticking with Stokes.
The spinner is still an issue – neither Ali nor Cook have much idea what to do when the opposition target him other than to take him out of the attack. He is unable to take on the holding role even when he is not targeted. The lack of a holding seamer – the Mike Hendrick, Matthew Hoggard, Angus Fraser kind of bowler – is a real issue given that Anderson, Broad and Wood all need nursing because of age or chronic injuries. Management of injuries is a real issue for me. I know some deranged people think I want Wood to be injured but I am extremely concerned about his long-term health, since he is only 25 and already had at least one cortisone. I think the current ideas are that you should only have 3 such injections in your lifetime. I really do not want him to get to the age of 30 and be unable to walk properly because his ankle has been turned to chalk. Obviously guys like Broad and Wood want to play all the time but, in baseball, they rotate the pitchers to ensure that they are not overworked and injured. Unless England go down that path – a strict rotation policy – then I am very concerned that we will end up with a bunch of limping wounded who are unable to bowl properly, given the schedule that the team faces. Wood’s effectiveness was markedly reduced by the time of the Oval – he got 9 wickets in 4 innings against New Zealand and 10 in 7 against Australia.
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3. What was your highlight of the series?
Dr.Melf – It’s a toss up between the true emergence of Joe Root as a world class player or Cooky taking one in the nuts. On balance? I go nuts.
Chappers – In reality it was Stokes’ catch at Trent Bridge and the look of astonishment on everyone’s face.
But I want special mention to go to Ali Cook learning how to captain in the field. For three years he has been dismal, Farbrace and Bayliss have said the right things to him and well done them. Doesn’t reflect well on Flower or Moores.
Rooto – Broad and Finn in the wickets. Ali outscoring most of those batting ahead of him. Listening to Blowers losing all sense of proportion, again, at Trent Bridge.Other elements that pleased me to a greater or lesser extent: Cook revealing doubts and humanity in a couple of interviews; no snotty, in-yer-face behaviour on the pitch – despite the press informing us that the Aussies weren’t capable of behaving themselves; Ed Smith eating “derrière sur une assiette”, served à la Kimber, for lunch on day 1 at Trent Bridge.
KeyserChris – Broad’s 8-15. Sensational bowling.
Sean B – There were a number of highlights worth mentioning, Root maturing into a world class player, Broad learning to pitch the ball up with the rewards that come from it, the atmosphere at Edgbaston on the final day (best atmosphere I’ve ever witnessed in England) and of course laughing at Shane Watson being caught LBW (again and again); however my own personal highlight, and this is very much through my Middlesex tainted eyes, is the emergence of Steven Finn as an international test cricketer again. At the end of the last Ashes series, Ashley Giles commented that Finn “was simply unselectable” – not that I attach any blame to Ashley, the real perpetrator has thankfully left these shores since, hopefully for good. I remember when Finn burst onto the scene in 2010 against Bangladesh and Pakistan and there was genuine excitement that we had a bowler who could bowl at 90MPH with the height to trouble even the most adept of batsmen, so to then hear that he had been reduced to bowling throw downs at a single stump was extremely worrying. Indeed I heard through the grapevine that it had affected him so badly that he was thinking about chucking it in at that stage, so to get off the canvas and be able to not just play test match cricket 2 years later, but to contribute as he did, is testament to both Finn and to Richard Johnson, who has worked tirelessly with him throughout the last couple of years through the good and bad (I will give a small amount of credit to the ECB and Raph Brandon for helping him with his run up, but in the main it should go to the Middlesex team). Finn seems like a very approachable and likeable individual and I genuinely think 99% of the cricketing public had a smile on their face when he got that “five-fer” at Edgbaston, yes there are improvements that can and will be made, but I’m genuinely chuffed for him that he is back playing test cricket again.
MiaB – Either the Stokes catch at Trent Bridge or Mitchell J’s bouncer to Bairstow at Edgbaston.
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4. And, also, what annoyed you the most about this Ashes series?
Dr.Melf – The complete absence of any tension. Every game was so one-sided that no drama or excitement was created. It’s great that England won and the young players know the feeling of beating the Ozzies, but it was pretty boring stuff.
Also have to mention anyone suggesting that winning back the Ashes justifies the total ‘arsehattery’ the ECB made of running English cricket for the last two years.
Chappers – Two things: 1 is Ian Bell not scoring any runs. We are used to it now. But rubbish. I wouldn’t take him to the UAE where he averages 8.5. Give him the tour off and see where we are for SA.
The second things are (!) people being patronising about Nathan Lyon who is a very fine off spin bowler and people slagging off Moeen for not being as good as Swann, give him a break. He is as good as we have and won’t ever be as good as Swann, he is also a quality batsman, which Swann was not.
Rooto – That what we heard on TV and read in the newspapers bore increasingly little resemblance to what we saw.
KeyserChris – The crap batting, Simon Hughes taking any opportunity to spruce his book on batting (the sheer chutzpah), any attempt to make hype the quality of the series up, but the award goes to Ed Smith on TMS. An unbelievably smug, sanctimonious self-proclaimed know it all who turns listeners off in droves.
Sean B – I again could point out a number of things – the MSM lauding the team as world beaters one day and then clueless the next day (see the same for Alastair Cook and Andrew Strauss without the balance of any form of negatives), the dimwits on Twitter who see this blog and any individual that refuses to swallow the ECB rhetoric as the whole truth, as an Anti-English curse that must be rid for good; however I’m going to comment on this from a purely cricketing point of view. My biggest annoyance is that in a series of 5 games, with two supposedly excellent cricket teams, that we could not produce a single match that was in anyway close or genuinely exciting (some of the cricket was exhilarating yes, but not genuinely exciting, that comes from an intense session of high quality cricket where bat vs ball is an event in itself). I don’t want to repeat what I have said in question 1 in any great depth, but this series was not a patch on the New Zealand series earlier on in the summer that displayed all of the traits of a fantastic series, with the added bonus that both teams genuinely had great respect for each other (surely the days of giving NZ a two test series at the start of the summer must be addressed ASAP, though the ECB won’t make as much money, so they probably won’t).
MiaB – Two things really. First, it would have been great for Bell and Lyth to make a statement at the Oval on a good pitch. They both failed in their usual ways, which makes it hard to justify their re-selection. Second, media coverage – the bizarre gloating after Cardiff, the way Simon Mann, Botham and Hussain kept harping on about Smith’s technique (he scores runs, boys), everything written by Ed Smith or the words from him that I had the misfortune to hear on TMS, the fact that Cook was praised to the skies for scratching his nose or putting in 4 slips on a green pitch, Nasser Hussain’s belief that the series victory was Cook’s redemption. Redemption from what? He has not proved anything. He scored no runs to speak of in the victories and he needed some inspired spells of bowling. What did he do to inspire them?
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5. What would be your test team for the first test match in the UAE?
Dr.Melf – I assume you mean with current ‘banishments’? I also think Bell will rightly call it a day, so it will be slightly changed line up.
Hales
Cook
Ali
Root
Bairstow
Stokes
Buttler
Rashid
Broad
Anderson
Finn
Chappers – I have gone for a bit of a horses for courses team – based on the likely pitches. Anderson and Broad were both fantastic in UAE last time – I worry about their longevity. I have ignored the merits of having an experienced player with SA heritage in the team with 100 + caps because he just wont get picked so it isn’t worth any further breath. He would play otherwise at 4 in my team.
Cook
Hales – should have been playing for the last 2 years. A much better foil for Cook.
Root – man up and bat at 3.
Davies – experienced county player who has toured with England. Currently the next best batsman in our game (not just Surrey bias I promise).
Ali – not an opener and not a number 8. 5 is his best spot, regardless if “he bats well with broad” which is a BS argument – he has been poorly treated.
Stokes – going to be better than Flintoff let him play. I really hope he can play spin mind or this will be a chastening tour for him. More likely to do well in SA.
Buttler – going to be better than prior.
Ansari – best spinner in county cricket at the moment – also a foil for all the dashers in the team with the bat
Rashid – can bat and field and offer something with the ball. Not a first spinner, but in this team there is room.
Broad
Anderson/wood
Yup 3 spinners and 3 seamers – a balanced team for the UAE. Also batsmen who can play shots and batsman who can bat time. I can see the request to get Ballance back in the team, but I wouldn’t, he has said he isn’t going to change the way he plays. So he isn’t going to score runs against decent fast bowling. Yorkshire (adopted) stubbornness is rubbish sometimes.
Also batsmen who can actually play spin – Root, Davies and Ali are all excellent against spin bowling, as is Cook. Hales, if he can get in will do a decent job – so long as he is allowed to play himself in and doesn’t try to smash everything first up.
Harsh on bairstow, but he can’t play spin, but I would take him on tour as a back up keeper, other tourists are Finn (and Wood above) and another spinner, no idea who.
Rooto – My team is:
Cook, Hales, Compton, Root, Ballance, Ali, Bairstow(+), Rashid, Plunkett, Broad, Anderson. (squad members: Stokes, Wood, Taylor, Buttler, Bell, Ansari.)
Or is this a trick question, and I’m meant to say “Pakistan” ?!
KeyserChris – Cook Hales Bell Root Ali Stokes Bairstow (wk) Rashid Anderson Broad (10 men, we’ve only got 10 men – Ed.)
Sean B – Team I think they’ll pick – Cook (c), Moeen, Bell, Root, Bairstow, Stokes, Buttler, Woakes, Broad, Tredwell, Anderson. Team they should pick (IMHO) – Hales, Cook, Moeen, Root, Ballance, Stokes, Buttler, Rashid, Broad, Wood, Anderson. A caveat I would add is that this team is for the UAE only, naturally I wouldn’t have Moeen batting at 3 in South Africa, but we need to find a way of shoehorning 2 spinners into the team without running Jimmy into the ground on unresponsive pitches.
MiaB – I think Lyth has to be dropped so I would punt on moving Ali to open – hoping that he can handle the pace on a UAE track. Cook is obviously there because of his great record in the UAE. Rashid to come in. Maybe Footit or Willey in place of Wood or whoever the bowler most in need of rest is. If Bell decides to call it a day, then Taylor. Bairstow needs to make a score in the next match or else I would bring back Ballance.
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THE BONUS QUESTION
6. If 1 is so outside cricket you want the opposition to win, and 10 is this England team and set-up are bang on, where would you put yourself on the scale, and why (voluntary answer question)?
Dr. Melf – Mmm? There is lots to like about this current team. The new crop of players have a great attitude. Cook has improved his approach. Not much (still) to like about the ECB though. Lots not to like about certain elements of media. Personally? Their attitude & approach and makes it harder to be excited about England. It’s a 6 from me.
Chappers – I get unreasonably upset when England lose. which puts me at an 8 as a supporter (not a 10 because I don’t go to every day of every test match I can) however I am knocked down a few points because I am fed up and remain fed up with the way the game is run – not helped by Aggers tweeting that because of Government Cuts the BBC may not do as much TMS (note to Aggers, BBC is funded by a licence fee which wont get cut and which we all have to pay. TMS given the size of audiences as well as the County coverage is more important than either F1 or athletics so should be a priority for the BBC sport)
Final score a 7.
Rooto – I’m more interested in what you or others think I am. How others see you is often more accurate, if they’re paying attention (and not malevolent). But that would involve reading through all my inane postings, so I’ll save you the trouble and say 3.33 recurring.Positive feelings towards the players in the team? Generally, Yes.
Support for the body they represent and promote? No.
Belief in their methods and leaders? No. I fist-pumped Cook’s wicket, but not the others.
Empathy with those around you? No comment. Depends who I’m talking to, so I’ll call it 1 out of 3.
KeyserChris – Probably about 4.
Sean B – Five out of Ten – I would never willingly wish an England team to lose despite the clowns running English cricket; however I have genuine anger at the way the ECB has run cricket over the past few years and trampled over those individuals who are genuine fans of the game of cricket whatever their views on the game (KP gate, Outside Cricket comments, the increasing cost of being able to support my country and deciding to plough ahead with the most selfish, egotistical and genuinely harmful reform of the game in known history with the carve up of international cricket between the big three to name just a few). These are all topics that have been discussed to death both here and on Twitter, and they are still as divisive as they were 2 years ago and hence I’m not going to repeat many of the views that have been elicited; however this has definitely contributed to my current slightly hollow and disenfranchised attitude towards the current England team. Dave Tickner managed to express my exact thoughts on this subject on Twitter, when responding to a BBC poll on cricket myths, and naturally in a far more eloquent way than I ever could – “England winning the Ashes justifies any or all of the assorted ECB clusterfucks in the last two years. #cricketmyths“. Perfect.
MiaB – About 4. The main reason is Cook and the media/ECB narrative around him. He is doing a job which he is not particularly good at and he doesn’t enjoy but he stubbornly persists in doing it. The runs he is capable of scoring would be a lot more valuable than his captaincy – I cannot think of any close games where his captaincy has been vital to the result and he does not seem able to coax performances out of bowlers who are struggling. He just purses his lips and puts on Joe Root. I can see that so why do Sky and TMS insist on trying to proclaim him as a world-beater and insist that he is a really nice chap?
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My thanks to all who contributed to this panel. It’s full of really interesting, and sometimes contrasting views. Feel free to comment below, and as usual, keep it polite. These folk give up their time, and quite a bit of it.
The final, final panel will be up within the week, so keep ’em peeled.
Being Outside Cricket 