If any of you have ever seen the youtube clip of the fake caller on the OJ Simpson stand-off over two decades ago, you may recall one of his phrases being “this is quite the commotion”.

This sums up England cricket in five words. This is quite the commotion. I thought I’d take a few minutes out of my day, on my lunch break, to review where we are at this time. It’s like an episode of that (in)famous US programme of a byegone era called Soap. All this, and more, will become clear….

Last year England lost the Ashes 5-0.
As a result, the coach of the test team resigned.
As a result the coach of the test team took on a supremo role with purpose not clear.
A new Managing Director had been appointed, and on his gardening leave (or whatever) watched a three-day test at the fag end of a disaster.
As a result of these observations, and in concert with an outgoing coach, Kevin Pietersen was identified as a problem to deal with.
As a result, Pietersen was told that England were moving on without him.
As a result, PIetersen sought freedom from his contract to earn money in the IPL and CPL.
As a result, England excluded their top runscorer on the previous tour.
The captain remained unchallenged despite 10 tests passing since his last century and, of course, a 5-0 loss.

Given the Chairman of Selectors had resigned, a new Chairman was in place. His name is James Whitaker.

After the coach had rsigned, the ODI coach was seen as favourite to get the job.
However, mutterings early in the piece suggested a former coach, who had been the former coach’s coach, should become coach again,  because the preceding coach had fallen out with the ODI coach, and the preceding coach had an important role in deciding the next coach. Got that?
We had new selectors. One was a coach who did not get on with Kevin Pietersen.
The new coach was appointed, The ODI coach, not allowed to pick his primary T20 player, did not succeed, and lost to the Netherlands. This provided enough justification to deny the ODI coach the full coaching position, and employ the former coach, the preceding coach’s coach, as new head coach.
That the new coach, like the preceding coach, but unlike the ODI coach, had disagrements with Pietersen in the past, he was appointed coach.
The new MD, now not on official gardening leave, called the former coach, who had been sacked before the preceding coach took over, was the best coach of his generation. Or was it finest. Who cares?
There was aplomb all round.

Then we lost an ODI series to Sri Lanka, where we played dull cricket and Alastair Cook scored few runs.
Then we drew the first test, which we would have won but for “six inches of carry”, and Alastair Cook scored few runs.
Then we lost the second test, where we held a sizeable first innings lead, saw brainless bowling and braindead captaincy on Day 4, and lost with a a ball remaining (if we had survived two more balls, added to a few inches of carry = test series win), and Alastair Cook scored few runs.
Then we backed our captain, and also backed a former captain who uttered a naughty word on TV about Kevin Pietersen.
We drew the first test against India, which was dull and featured 10th wicket partnerships, and Alastair Cook made few runs.
By this time, our MD had looked up the meaining of the word Confidentiality in a dictionary.
We lost the second test against India, on the back of abject first day leadership, and poor batting on Day 5, and Alastair Cook made few runs.
But he was a man made of steel. Or is it iron?
Then, there was a miracle. Cook scored 95 runs in Test Number 3, and there was much rejoicing.
He followed it up with another 70 or so in the second innings, and India were vanquished.
There then followed the 4th Test, and another win, with great comfort, and then the 5th test, with a repeat. In the 5th, Cook made another half century, although he was dropped a few times. But there was much rejoicing.

Meanwhile, KP was not scoring runs in T20 cricket and was booed on Finals Day.

On the back of the amazing turnaround, facilitated by a good environment, we went on to be humped in an ODI series in India. Alastair Cook made few runs, and questions were asked in the parish. “Not going anywhere” said the powers that be. Test series win. Good environment. Exciting and fresh.
Squad named for Sri Lanka tour, and Cook is named captain. No doubts…..

I’ve run out of time, so will continue this in the next day or so. It’s a soap opera all right…..

Comments as usual. Closed computer down so no proper intro…..

Comments away!

(I had a convivial evening in a hostlery in the City last night and was in no mood or position to write a post).

Comments as usual. .

Quick thoughts in my lunch break.

I really did not think I’d have to be writing this now. There was a part of me that thought that we’d even scrape a quarter-final and then go out in the smis and this could be dressed up as a reasonable effort for a team in transition. But no. Here we are. Hoisted on our own arrogance. Out because we aren’t anywhere as near as good as we should be, nowhere near as ruthless as we need to be, and as far away from honesty as we’ve ever been.

I’m not happy, Neil, Kev, Pam et al. I am absolutely effing livid. I’m not a bloody genius, but this was always coming. You don’t get stuffed 5-0 and 4-1 in tests and ODIs like we did last year without there being something seriously wrong. Window dressing it by scapegoating an individual is not the way. It never has been the way. Just as if we sack Moores now and that’s the end of it won’t reconcile us to honesty now. Graves and Harrison have a hell of a job to do in (a) picking us up off the floor, for despite all this “we don’t care about ODIs” bollox I’ve been hearing, this is the floor (this is a “low ebb”) and (b) setting course a path that allows all on board, allows us to do what we really want to do, and be hopeful and confident that things will change.

I went to the first two days of that 1999 test v New Zealand at The Oval. There was despair then. We brought in Duncan Fletcher, Nasser Hussain was a powerful, authoritarian captain, and they brought in new players. They never feared doing so. Not all came off, but many did and became the framework of the Ashes winning team. Those that may have wandered off the reservation could come back (Thorpe) and flittering talents (Flintoff) were persisted with. All the while there was a coach that exuded competence. Not for him targets, drive and regimes of fear – no, he was a more silent presence, one not to be trifled with, but recognising talent. The ECB under McLaurin and Morgan were never the problem, and in fact the only issue seemed to be David Graveney bustling in for a ton of credit,

We can do this again. Jason Gillepsie, Gary Kirsten, whoever can come in and build a team again. We need to trust talent and not try to change it, harness it. We need to play the game, not the data. For heaven’s sake, they need to bloody enjoy it – it’s like purgatory for them at the moment.

We’ve been proved right again. It’s no shock. Keep doing the same things, and the results won’t change. Of course Moores has to go, but then he should never have been appointed. A new ODI team needs to be formed now and the growing pains allowed to happen without panic, and that needs to be under someone who will let them be free, rather than tie them to data. Formulate plans, but be able to adapt. And most of all, the men who appointed him should be drummed out of English cricket forthwith for the abject failures thet are. Mr Downton, Mr Clarke, and probably Mr Flower. A new dawn needs a new house, and one clean of past practices and flawed idiocy. Go. I beg you.

More, much more, later. To those of you who think I’m writing this with anything but the heaviest of hearts, remember this. I was there, in Adelaide, in 2006. I feel like that now. I can assure you, I wasn’t happy. More shame on you if you think I am,.

Let us go back to 26 November 1998. On that sad date Doug Ibbotson passed away. For those of a certain age, his columns in WCM were an entertaining and enlightening read. For the vast majority on here, you probably didn’t have a scooby who he was until this week. I’m not au fait with all the facts but I do believe his column in WCM was taken over by one Paul Newman. Now there’s a name we know and cherish. Invoking Doug Ibbotson’s legacy is up there with the most bizarre items of the last year in blogging, and I’ve had a few.

OK. So we’ve seen the events of the last 24 hours. John tweeted me a silly message. I took a little bit of umbrage at it, and replied. Then I got, frankly, a ton of old twaddle from John, objecting to my use of a picture of venerable old Doug as this blog’s “blavatar”. I’ve replaced it with one of Allan Stanford now, and am expecting a tweet from Norman Collier or Giles Clarke to say I’m reminding them of their dealings with this crook.

Then you lot stepped in. Thanks for the support and all that, but there’s no need, and while what you write is your own responsibility, I am not going to be split from the support I get. We all have views and I don’t agree with all of you all the time. I don’t want this to be an echo chamber. For personal reasons, I am not keen on Hillsborough references, for example. One thing doing this blog is that I’ve developed a marginally thicker skin, and am very solid in my position in writing my own views on the administration of the game in this country. I hear a lot of things that no-one told me about last year. I share them with you, or at least cast my views in weighing up the position at time. I’m not actually bothered at all by the “quite unpleasant” stuff because that’s water off a duck’s back. I’m not popular, I know that, among our writers such as they are bothered, but ask those who do talk to me online and they’ll give you a different view, I’m sure.

I am bothered with the bit John left out of his comment this morning – the bit about “guesswork”. This is one stage away from “conspiracy theorists” and our pigeonholing as a bunch of tin foil hat merchants. I’m not that and very comfortable in my own skin in that regard. Being challenged is still tricky for me, but I’m not underestimating the support behind me. As KP would say “it’s very humbling” (as would Stuart Broad). For instance, I’ve contended on here since the Dean Wilson tweet last year when he revealed that Downton was very approachable behind the scenes, that Downton was an awful public performer. I have said, at times, it is cowardice. I’ve said it all year long, despite the media assuring us in the early days he was “nice old Paul” and that he would be a refreshing new face. Now we see the media really turning on him for ducking out of the last press conference and sticking Joe Root up. Brenkley, who I’ve really laid into, was spot on in his piece (I don’t want to hate reporters, in the same way I don’t want to hate anyone). My “guesswork” seems to have been slightly more accurate than those who have their jobs in this industry. It might be luck, it probably is, but I negotiate in my day job and you need to try to read people – I suspect most of us do – and he seemed an obvious all style, no substance type to me.

We “guess” because you’ve been proved wrong, reporters, and with few exceptions we find it hard to take what is said without feeling let down. I’m incredibly pissed off that this Graves comment has focused on KP and not on the potential impact at the organisation he takes over. So we have more attack pieces on Pietersen – today’s one in the Guardian about pouring scorn on England is rich – and Selfey’s lament yesterday being the only one to really focus on Downton that I’ve seen. Yes, I read John’s piece in the Sun, too.

I say it once, I’ll say it again. This is not about KP, it’s about how the game is run, and how fans are excluded by many manners of means. Some try to paint me as something I am not (a KP fanboy – I love his batting, thought him being dropped was terribly wrong, and not sure I want to see him back). It’s not being bought here. I don’t doubt how little influence I have, but it’s funny how our agenda points still keep being raised. A year on “outside cricket” is still going strong. I suspect “positive influence” will be joining it. I’m certainly the first, and doubt I’m the second. But we are still here, different venue, same points.

Thanks for all the supportive comments. I’ll buy you a beer if we ever should meet……

(Note – this post was written on a mobile connection so no bells and whistles. Any edits will be this evening, where I’ll try to keep up with you lot and watch some more of Season 2 of House of Cards.)

PS – John, I lost my wallet in Adelaide in 2006. If you find it, lost in Glenelg, then please keep it safe for me.

Selfey has an article up on the guardian re Graves.

His loyalty to Downton is touching.

Please read. Then vent here. Linking from the mobile is hard so if anyone can post the link in the comments I’d be grateful.

UPDATE – I have some keyboard access so thought I’d do some more for the blog. I can’t cut and paste (yet) here so you will have to wait until this evening.

Selfey’s article is almost beyond parody. I think he’s trolling his audience. I refuse to believe that he thinks Downton has any room to complain about the treatment he might receive or that he is any kind of victim here. Then to refer to Graves as not being malicious and that Downton thinks this is a careless statement is hilarious. Downton, he of outside cricket and not knowing a confidentiality agreement’s restrictions, is in a position to offer any verdict, even through his mouthpiece? This is la-la land we are dealing with.

Watching his c-i-f moderators lock into mortal combat with people criticising a journalist’s integrity, the day after Selfey “joke” texted Hoult about the way he’d written up the Graves article is another act of wonderful hilarity. I know they are two different modes of communication, but he’s not abiding by his own standards. No change there.

Also, disparaging Pietersen as a pest, a fruit fly is another piece of utter nonsense. Name calling eh? Beyond the pale except when I do it!

The usual nonsense making this about KP when the ECB are the question is just par for the course. Some buffoon called humptydumpty, already linked to in the comments below, called the pro-KP lobby “woodlice” which is just beautiful. Another who never applauded his tons, his great deeds on the field and bought the rumours of his “conduct” hook, line and sinker. It’s tiresome. Amazing how when you frame it the way we do and argue back, especially on Twitter, the anti-KP lot have little to rest on. “So you think Moores is a good appointment?” “So Downton has done a brilliant job?” “That Whitaker, does he fill you with confidence?” “Pleased with Giles Clarke, are you?” “Hey, how about David Saker? He’s done a top job with the bowlers?” “Hasn’t Alastair Cook done well since that tour?” and “aren’t you pleased that you are viewed as “outside cricket” by the people who need your money to survive?”

Putting it like this, the future of a talented batsman near the end of his career is a footnote. One day these people may lose their blindness caused by rage, and see the big picture.

But, given Nash has said she’ll give everything she owns to charity if KP plays for England again, I say pick him. It’d be worth it!

More to follow later.

Oops. Missed the start. Dilshan and Sanga have both made tons and set Bangladesh a big total. Comments below.

After our magnificent win last night, I thought I would celebrate by hooking up the mobile keyboard to the phone and do a test post.

So my typing is slower than Ian Bell after 20 overs of last night’s innings but it is better than predictive text!

More later.

The old enemies meet at Melbourne. Remember 2013 in the Champions Trophy, when we made beating Australia in a world competition look routine? Not now. We are the team with the lack of class, and Australia are the home team and favourites.

Still, one World Cup match between us two in Australia and we lead 1-0.

Probably the match that hurts the most is this one…

Interesting Stat – no Australian has made a century against England in the World Cup. Ricky Ponting has the highest score – 86 in Antigua.

England have the only centurion in World Cup games between the two. You might know the chap who did it, but we mustn’t mention him, as we’ve moved on. He made 104.