The Not Watching The Ashes Chronicles – Part 3
You’d think I’d learn. That I would learn that England’s test team would always have done this. It’s not unprecedented. Put themselves in a decent spot, and then go down in flames. I kept harking back to Brisbane 1990 – where we got skittled, we skittled them for an unexpected lead, but instead of consolidating, we flumped again, and Aussie won by 10 wickets.
Truth is, it feels as the quality of the oppo goes up, the more we need the experienced pros to step up with the bat. Stokes and Root mainly, but the rest have been in the side for a while now. We had the best all round opener in the world in the summer (Ben Duckett, and he never was that), we have the prodigal plonker in next captain Harry Brook (I mean, seriously, how could you follow a bloke that bats the way he does) and by far the best player in county cricket in Ollie Pope, except he isn’t even that any more. And seriously, if Jacob Bethell is the answer, it’s a pretty daft question. I am just going to ignore Zak Crawley at this point, because the Aussie scoreboard did.
Not watched a ball today, and as soon as we didn’t get Travis Head early, England were done for. We all, in our heart of hearts, knew this was going to happen. Hope is not a strategy. Getting lucky twice is not a game plan. It might come off once on this tour, this might even have been it “coming off” for at least one madcap day, and lord did it get the Aussies worried (they are all being ever so cocksure today, but they were worried) but in the end, cricketing gravity worked itself out. This does feel like two bald fellas arguing over a comb, except they are high on meth, roided up and drinking Red Bull by the gallon.
Sigh.
And another sigh.
Maybe more later. I’ve got a dog to walk.
Being Outside Cricket 
I know, I know it’s boring to keep hearing this but once gain…..
It doesn’t matter how good your bowling attack is, if you don’t put runs on the board consistently in Australia you will get beaten. The Aussie batsman will find a way (more often than not) to get it done. This is what they are brought up on from kindergarten. And at Perth with extra bounce if you keep driving at the ball you will get an edge.
Further more, Englands bowling attack is not great despite what the (dreamers) and assorted pundit class would like you to belive. They are good bowlers sure, but they don’t have hundreds and hundreds of test match wickets. Archer is yet to get 100 test wickets, he has just got past 50. Wood has just over 100. They have had the great misfortune to be very injury prone, and have often not had the chance to play regularly. Stokes (who is the slowest of them) has 250 test wickets. More than all the other bowlers combined.
They are not McGrath ( 563) or Mitchell Johnson (313) or Starc (402) or Halzelwood (295). They just aren’t, sorry. Certainly not in these conditions. In addition pace is not everything. Yes you can soften batsman up with short pitch bowling, hitting arms and heads, but does this always equate with wicket taking balls? Not necessarily.
I’m reluctant to say the wheels will now come off this tour because England’s Bazball philosophy of “ITS THE WAY WE PLAY.” will continue no matter what the situation. So it’s possible occasionally it may just come off a couple of times. However, this pitch is the fastest in Australia, and we put everything on pace bowling here. This attack will likely be even less effective on slightly slower wickets.
Probably not a good idea to refer to older players and critics as “has beens” who point out the lack of preparation. I’m not a has been, I’m a never was. However, I have seen enough cricket and Ashes down under to have some knowledge of the reality. If you are going to claim you have reinvented the wheel, you perhaps should make sure your new replacements are still fully bolted to your car.
But this is a twenty/twenty batting style brought to test match cricket. Maybe it’s all the authorities can do now? Perhaps it’s all the players know, and will ever know? In some ways I don’t really blame the players as they know no different. Or seem not too. At what point is a relaxed, no pressure attitude translated into a lack of responsibility?
Still, it would be a good Ashes to win from here!
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It would be a great Ashes to win from here! I’m gonna be “high on meth, roided up and drinking Red Bull by the gallon” if we do.
But…
Usually it takes more than one Test for me to lose hope. It was 2 innings this time.
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