And just when you thought it was safe to have faith…..
England’s morning session of horror has cost England the test match. The two experienced campaigners just rubbed our noses in it. It seems when England have a bad day they don’t do it by half. They go all in.
Root’s departure this morning set the tone. 7 wickets fell for 36 in a blur of bad shots, bad play and bad timing. Focus inevitably beams in on Jos Buttler, who compounded his batting failure with the bat with some badly-timed wicket-keeping mistakes.
There are many issues with this team, and I’m not sure many of us, whether we are on this blog or criticise it who believe that things should not change. Now we have to wonder what we can do. This team is so maddeningly inconsistent that they can be fun to watch because at times they reach the heights. What is there to do? We’ll discuss this after the match.
I nearly forgot, and apologies for doing so, but Wahab Riaz and Yasir Shah were very very good today. Going to be interesting to see them in England this summer.
Meanwhile Younus and Misbah, the old heads, have been imperious. I’m not sure if this is a lesson to England that dispensing with players in the early-mid thirties is a folly, but watching these two just play (and they had their bits of luck) is a pleasure to watch as long as you aren’t a blind England fan. Younus is an absolute legend, a top top player not given his due. Misbah is unassuming and yet eccentric – block, block, block, six.
(Wardy – are there people who really don’t think Kallis is an all-time great? erm…..)
222-3, 358 behind, dead in the water. Not even “two quick wickets” could solve this problem. There will be no rain. Can England bat time. We want to see a fight. Please.
Meanwhile, in bizarre Ceylon, Kraigg Brathwaite takes 6/29. Lord almighty! Did someone say they were the best bowling figures by an opening batsman? Could SimonH confirm this is true? West Indies need 244 to win, and are 20/1, losing Brathwaite from the last ball of the day. Sri Lanka must be hot favourites.
Afghanistan are on the brink of beating Zimbabwe in the ODI series. It speaks volumes about both teams.
I might add to this later, but comments on Day 4 to be put below. Have a good day.
(Photo by David Cannon/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Tiger Woods
Day 2 is in the books and a fascinating Day 3 is in prospect. An unexected day’s leave, caused by circumstances beyond my control, meant I could watch much of the last two sessions of play (and meaning that I missed the first).
England started brilliantly, getting Misbah in the first over, and then knocking over the rest in reasonably short order. While the stats show that scores over 400 are not common in Dubai, 378 must seem like a bit of a disappointment when considering the score at the start of the day. Mark Wood’s figures of 3/39 were massively impressive and a real hopeful sign for the future. Of course, when it comes to our rider of imaginary horses, we are always worried about his health.
England’s response started as many seem to these days. An early wicket, albeit through a wonderful catch at short leg, meant the Moeen experiment still remains a question to answer. That said, we’ve been looking for an answer to the other opening slot for a while now. Then Bell had a feeble nick off to Imran Khan. 14 for 2. Bell is definitely in the firing line, and he might seek advice from Trott on how to face that, with people acting like he’s got the eyesight of someone at 73, not 33. He’s in an awful rut, and maybe it is time to go somewhere else. But then, I don’t think we should exclude players because their faces don’t fit.
Those of us purporting to be anti-England must have been cock-a-hoop. We must have been fuming when a sweep shot from Cook plonked onto the bottom of the stumps and failed to dislodge a bail.
Cook and Root passed half centuries, quite serenely, and then Yasir Shah, who might as well have been Lord Lucan given the expert knowledge the English cricket fraternity had demonstrated about him (recalling this excellent article from the archives), unexpectedly broke through when our lovely leader clipped a ball to leg slip. His 65 was not quite as good as his 263, but he does look somewhere near his best (best illustrated by his confidence on the drive). This, of course, gives the lie to the “near his best” codswallop around the time of that legendary, scratchy, 95 at the Rose Bowl or whatever it is called now. A solid, hard to dismiss, and scoring at a reasonable pace Cook is something any team needs. With Warner out of form (relatively), Rogers retired, and most of the other countries in flux with their openers, Cook is the best around, probably, at the top of the list.
What can one say about Joe Root? Well, let’s not get overboard too quickly would be my first thing. I remarked on Twitter that his current form reminds me of the way Michael Vaughan was playing in 2002-3. The standard of opposition was better, but peak Vaughan was a big hundred in waiting. Root is giving off an aura something like it. I maybe in violation of my own advice! Root’s footwork and reactions are just wonderful. He gets into position, he can manipulate the ball, and he is pretty solid in defence despite the early working over by Wahab Riaz. He needs to go on to make a big hundred here to keep England in the position they’ve created. The problem here is that maybe we expect Joe to do it all the time, and then when he has the dips in form that are inevitable in test cricket, we might be in trouble.
Jonny Bairstow started very scratchily, but did open up and attack, and then made some runs. Bairstow, in my eyes, is not a keeper we could trust and not a middle order batsman we can rely upon. He falls between two stools in my eyes, but I’ve been wrong before and will be again.
So, Day 3 beckons. England 190-odd behind. Seven wickets in hand. Game in the balance. Worries about our middle order are mentioned freely in the commentary box. I am not sure I’ll be awake for the start of play.
In Colombo the visitors crumbled to 163 all out, with, yet again, most of the line-up getting to double figures. 47 was the top score, by Kraigg Brathwaite, and the spread bet line should certainly be revised after Herath took just one of the ten to fall. Dhamikka Prasad took four, suggesting this isn’t just a spinners surface. Sri Lanka are 76 for 2 in their second innings, 113 in front and looking good. Day 3 provides West Indies with a seemingly final hope.
New Zealand kicked off their tour of Australia with a match under lights and using a pink ball. I’m going to leave it with the Adam Voges thing on social media (which I didn’t see…and isn’t on his twitter feed)
“There wasn’t much pink left on it by the end of the game,” Voges said. “The one that got hit onto the roof [by Martin Guptill] and didn’t come back was 28 overs old and it looked like it was 68 overs old to be fair. To be honest, it didn’t hold up very well at all tonight.
“It looked as though the lacquer had come off and it was turning green basically. There were bits of pink left, but it was more green than pink by the end. I know that it stopped swinging, there was no reverse-swing or anything like that because both sides get chunked up equally, but yeah the older it gets, I can’t see it being any easier to see.”
We’ll be debating that, I’m sure.
Comments on the days play tomorrow, and any other observations, please fire away. Note – I’ve not read the press pages. I still need to have my dinner.
Finally, thoughts with my Aunt. Vascualar dementia is a cruel, horrible curse, and it looks likely to take her soon from us. My wishes and strength to her daughter, my cousin, and her kids, and most of all to my lovely uncle. We are all powerless as the disease takes someone we care about away from us. Love you Auntie. Say hello to Dad.
With things looking to be in the visitor’s favour on the departure of Shan Masood, the experience of Younus Khan and Misbah, together with Asad Shafiq pulled the day back round to Pakistan’s favour. Misbah completing his ton in the final over was the icing on the cake.
England are not out of it but that does depend on ridding us of the turbulent 41 year old and seeing off his young tyros. That’s not easy but not impossible. Beware of the use of “two quick wickets” in the pre-game show.
Being at work today I didn’t get to see much of the action, trying to follow it on the Cricinfo site and Guardian OBO. It seemed, from the little bit I watched, that the wicket had a bit more carry and a bit more life, which, frankly, isn’t hard. But no-one is confusing this with Day 1 of the 3rd test in 2012.
Simon and others have made many really good comments on Misbah’s ton. The obsession on The Verdict over that last over is making me chuckle, because it really appears as though they have nothing else to talk about. I’m not sure it’s the world’s best debate, and as Dominic Cork is on it, the tariff of difficulty is much raised, to get up there.
282 for 4 is a good start, especially given the ground statistics I cited yesterday. England will be doing well to keep them under 400 and then the scoreboard pressure routine begins again.
In the other matches played today, Sri Lanka were skittled out for 200 at P Sara, with West Indies 17 for 1. Again, let’s see how both teams bat on this before we make a judgement but this is still a very decent rebound from the tourists. The main damage was done by debutant Jomel Warrican, described on cricinfo as a slow left arm bowler (again, not had a chance to see any of it) who took four wickets. Innocent Bystander on Twitter was saying that the spread odds on the number of wickets for Herath in this match would be 10.5/11.5 and so we’ll see how much assistance Warrican got from the wicket (anyone who might have caught it, could they comment?). Because if there is assistance, Herath is pretty damn good at getting the most out of it.
India won the ODI in Chennai, and still kept up there record of not making 300 there (just). Virat Kohli made his 23rd ODI century with a score of 138. Despite AB’s heroics in another audacious 112 (I’ve just watched some of the shots… wow) the series is now tied, ready for the decider in Mumbai.
Another series going to a decider is the Zimbabwe v Afghanistan contest. Afghanistan won today’s contest by three wickets with Mohammed Shahzad making an almost run-a-ball 80. Obviously there’s been no coverage I’ve seen, but this is promising for the associates and a little bit worrying for Zimbabwe. Tim Wigmore’s piece in the recent Cricketer magazine explains the new Zim admin’s philosophy, to play more frequently, and I’d recommend reading it (despite being surrounded by a lot of tut).
So two tests tomorrow to concentrate on. Comments welcome.
As I’m just using the phone at present, there will be no long discussion from me on the test starting tomorrow in Dubai. (UPDATED since)
Forged in the heat of battle.
I’ll write more tonight, all being well. The reaction to the first test has been interesting to say the least. If you can’t use a momentous 263 to “inform the malcontents of the error of their ways” then when can you? Adil has been getting his props but don’t worry, one bad game and his critics will be out.
Some statistical stuff. The next man to score a century in Dubai will be the scorer of the 20th test century at that venue. Graeme Smith holds the record score (234) and is the only visitor to score two centuries at the venue. Younis Khan has four centuries there, and Sarfraz Ahmed two. Azhar Ali, who isn’t, it looks, playing tomorrow also has two, including his match-turning 157 in 2012.
The highest team score is 517 by South Africa in 2013. There has been a 454, and two 403s, but nothing else over 400. This indicates it is the sort of surface that doesn’t resemble DXB’s runway. England’s four scores are 252, 192, 160 and 141. The lowest score is 99, made by Pakistan on two occasions. Once, of course, against England.
STEELY WATCH
Alastair Cook has the air of satisfaction, rightly it should be said, of a man who has scored 263 in the first Test of a series. But the left-hander has not become England’s leading run scorer (9,593) by looking back on his achievements. He looks forward with steely determination, ready to again quench his thirst for runs.
If you see quotes that contain steel (or other metals) and our Al, please let me have them!
Al’s record in Dubai. 3,5,1 & 49. Bell’s record in Dubai. 0,4,5,10. Yikes.
There is a fair bit of international cricket on tomorrow. Sri Lanka meet the Windies at PSS Colombo in the second test; India try to draw their ODI series level in Chennai against South Africa and Zimbabwe meet Afghanistan in Bulawayo. All comments welcome.
Did You Know? The highest ODI score in Chennai is 337/7 by an Asian XI. Pakistan have the highest score by a national team (327/5) and India have never made 300 there. South Africa have played one ODI in Chennai – England beat them in a World Cup group game in 2011.
I do believe this is the West Indies first test at the P Sara Oval. The record score at the stadium is 541/9 by the hosts against Bangladesh. The ground record score is Stephen Fleming with 274. It was also the venue of my favourite of the Master Trilogy Centuries by the man who can’t be mentioned.
So, looking forward to tomorrow, and let’s have your views on all the cricket.
I hear Stokes has the guts ache. The poor sod. Feel for you sir. Put it this way. He ain’t the only one!
Thanks for all the comments today. I thought I’d just link a few articles around the web and see where we go.
Never, Ever, A Team Man
First up, because I’m totally obsessed with the man, and I’m like a broken record, and courtesy of Steve in the comments section, are two articles in the Telegraph on Kevin Pietersen. As if people haven’t noticed, he has a new book coming out, and he’s doing what all good sportsmen do, and plugging it (incidentally, Alan Butcher has one coming out soon, and I’ll be getting that, while Tim Cahill, a legend from my club, has one too – and he retweeted me yesterday, so I’m happy). Not sure who ghost wrote it with him, but I don’t think it was FICJAM (who wrote Flintoff’s latest).
There’s not a lot new here. A few meat on the Graham Gooch bones, a bit on not looking at the data, a bit on there was no-one else to captain. All pretty rehashed old stuff, packaged for the bilious. And my oh my don’t they go to town.
The humour here is that, as we’ve pointed out, the real rage, the real bile has been from those who are almost rabid in their hatred. It’s everywhere. I love how they all complain to say he’s an attention seeker (now that’s familiar) and why do the papers keep printing stories about yesterday’s man, then say Cook doesn’t get the attention (there are plenty of stories on him on the web after his 263), and then they take it in turns to prove just how much they hate him, in words. Lots of them.
KP’s two posts at time of writing have 120 and 40 comments. Cook on Rashid has 27. Celebrating Cook’s double hundred has 7. The papers are printing what gets hits, people. You keep feeding them, they’ll keep printing. We’ve moved on from the instransigence and stupidity of our selection process, you lot clearly haven’t. You’ve got what you want, why all the anger?
Next, let’s move on to the wonder of modern literature that is Ed Smith. Now I know we are all massive fans of the know-it-all Eddy, but this latest work on Cricinfo is in need of a serious look. In trying to show how clever he is, how well read and educated, he manages to bury in a sea of orgiastic self-indulgence the point. That cricket is absolutely nuts, and it doesn’t take Einstein, or indeed Ed Smith’s intellect, to sort it.
Let us begin. With the classics. He’s a classics student, isn’t he?
Homer’sOdysseydescribes the ordeal of Odysseus as he tries to return home in order to be reunited with his wife, Penelope. It takes Odysseus ten years but he gets there in the end. So the analogy with this Test match only half-fits. The first four days of tedious cricket in Abu Dhabi certainly felt like a ten-year ordeal. But when nirvana approached – in the form of an actual competitive match with the prospect of a result – both sides were ushered off the field and a draw was pronounced.
He so desperately wants to shoe horn in a Greek literature reference that it hurts. In the end it goes nowhere. Tickers was all over that, and loved it so much, he missed the next. An all time classic… Swiss Toni in the house…
It was like pursuing a beautiful woman around the world for ten years, finally persuading her to have dinner, only to announce after the starter course, “Sorry to leave early, but I pre-booked a taxi home at 9pm. Bye.”
My sides were splitting.
I’m not going to fisk the rest, because, frankly, I want to put the TV on, but I’ll save you the bother of clicking a link for this tortuous piece of analogy that had me thinking of the scenes in Airplane where Ted Stryker tells his life story to a passenger he’s sitting next to.
So why does cricket continue to get bogged down by the problems that beset the first Test here? The explanation was provided in 1950 by Albert Tucker, the Princeton mathematician and game theorist. He formalised “The Prisoners’ Dilemma”. The theoretical experiment explains how when two agents pursue narrow self-interest it can work against the long-term benefit of both parties.
Imagine two members of the same gang are imprisoned in separate cells. They are not allowed to communicate. But there is insufficient evidence against them. To try to force a confession, the police offer each of them the same bargain – known as Defect or Cooperate.
Admit that your partner committed the crime – and if he stays silent – then you will go free and your partner will get three years in prison.
But if you stay silent and your partner testifies that you did it, you will face prison for three years and he will walk free.
If you both betray each other, you both go to prison for two years.
If you both stay silent, you both get only one year in prison.
What is the best strategy, defect or cooperate?
The best outcome, in terms of combined punishment, is obviously for both prisoners to cooperate – to remain silent. The combined punishment would be two single-year prison terms.
But that isn’t what they do. Because they cannot communicate, the rational response is to anticipate what the other prisoner will do. If you think the other prisoner will stay silent, the rational response is to defect – and hence walk free. If you think the other prisoner will defect, the rational response is still to defect – and hence serve only two years in prison rather than three. The playing out of the game is both entirely rational and yet still works against the self-interest ofbothprisoners. Here is ashort video summary.
The point is very simple. There are some circumstances in life when the failure to communicate and agree to a collective response leads to a series of rational responses that ultimately work against everyone’s interests.
Cricket is currently suffering its own versions of the Prisoner’s Dilemma. Individual teams play on pitches that may suit their own team, but certainly don’t suit the game as a spectacle.
Bloody hell. Get to the point man!
There’s plenty on the net about the ICC and IOC meeting, including mention that the form of cricket to be played might be the indoor version. The IOC will take two minutes consideration before booting that one out. The impression from afar is that the ICC aren’t serious, and when the prime movers (India) are pretty much motivated by internal short-termism (and the decision today to allow Aleem Dar to step down as umpire for the current series is an absolute utter disgrace and they ought to be ashamed of themselves) that isn’t going to change. You all know how I think Clarke will play it in this International Ambassador role he has. The game needs to grow more than it needs to worry about the odd batting track being skewed in favour of the home team, and this provides an opportunity. A long-term eye rather than a short-term blindness might help. As soon as Dave Richardson gets wheeled out, I know we are in for disappointment.
Viru – The Oval – 2011. Hitting the ball for four.
Finally, lots on the wires that Viru has retired from international cricket. Aside from the fact that I doubt he’d be picked again for his national side, you have to say “what a player”. Sadly, I never saw him really score any runs. He was undercooked (putting it politely) in 2011 and didn’t play in 2007. It is close between him and Dravid for my favourite Indian batsman, but when it comes to being entertaining, there was no-one better, and no-one more scary. And judging by that selfie last year when playing for the MCC, not someone who took himself too seriously. He is missed, and the formality of the announcement, such as it was (so he can play Masters Cricket) brings back the memories. Two test triple hundreds. The strike rate. A 290 odd too. The foot movement (!). Much loved, Viru. Much loved.
The reports, carried by Tim Wigmore on ESPN, that Colin Graves is about to propose that cricket be in the Olympics, is interesting on many levels. This is about long-term development and broadening the game in the future. But it’s also about the ECB now. Very much now. Who knows, this could be the funniest power struggle yet?
2024 is almost a decade away and the landscape may have changed by then, because the land has changed a great deal in the last 10 years. There’s no certainty cricket will be selected as an Olympic sport even if it chooses to seek inclusion (although India’s might could help if they were interested as their Olympic record is not good), and not many of our current team will be around for it. But the prospects it opens for associate nations and broadening the game can’t be underestimated. Spare me the wailing sirens of us losing a test series – the NHL in each Winter Olympics shuts for a couple of weeks and then re-opens again. There is too much international cricket in the summer as it is.
Don’t worry all you Ashes lovers. A series isn’t scheduled in England that summer. Yet. We’ll probably play two test against South Africa instead.
What interests me is this is Colin Graves challenging his predecessor. Now, you know my position and I’ve still not changed it. Giles runs English cricket and Graves has not stood up to him. Now Graves seems to have found his balls. This could get interesting, quickly. Under the Yorkie watch he has overseen a change of personnel in charge of the national team, a revitalisation of the ODI team into an attractive, attacking unit, and, of course, an unlikely Ashes win. He has the press salivating over the new Director, Comma as well as the beatification of our captain. There’s a rump of us who have the hump, but we’re not important. Frankly, if he can’t impose his own authority over matters now, when can he?
Now Giles is coming off the back of some negative publicity. His performance in Death of a Gentleman was awe inspiring, playing to his typecast role of unreconstructed snob, the sort of villain straight out of Hollywood’s central casting for “quintessential evil English toff”. His high-handedness was inspiring. One wonders how a man is so self-confident while lacking so much in self-awareness. I think someone removed his “I give a shit” gene. Giles is a master of politicking, and I don’t mean that as a compliment. He will likely be put into bat for cricket in the Olympics by the people he lorded over, and have to put the case. I for one reckon we’ll be hearing back precisely what Srini thinks as a reason for inclusion or exclusion, and Graves can say all he likes. Giles is not a man for turning, and his protestations that he’s protecting his board in DoaG didn’t look like those of a man considering all sides of the argument. Will he take his orders, given he made sure Brearley was put in his place when it was suggested he would have to. Oh yes, Giles Clarke is going to be a great watch throughout this. Wally has already deserted, but then again, it’s not his country’s summer this jamboree is going to take place in!
For someone who finds the ECB shenanigans fascinating, this is like Christmas. The former deputy, coming in with the reports of a blunt intstrument ready to hit all and sundry, put in his place over his attempts to bring back someone the establishment want rid of, and for correctly assessing West Indies ability to play test cricket, is now feeling he can say something. This something challenges his former king. It could be seen as betrayal. It could be seen as a challenge. How Clarke responds will be riveting, at least for me.
Also, this is a stat I was supposed to write a whole piece on. It does shine an exceptionally good light on our captain’s performances in Asian conditions. A good player of spin, not as many concerns on his areas of weakness (caught behind, chopping on), and a method and indefatigability that is almost inhuman. There’s no taking away this statistic from him. I’m not sure anyone is denying that these conditions suit his game (and not many others) and he cashes in.
Selvey, of course, wants you to know how much he loved Cook’s performance. This from a cricket correspondent who, since the release around three months ago of an important film on cricket hasn’t bothered to watch it, but still seems “remarkably informed” at what the ICC is thinking given his tweets on the IOC approach.
As I’m writing India are collapsing to defeat against South Africa.
You see, the thing with Test cricket is very rarely is a game totally dead. It only takes a combination of some inspirational cricket, a scrambled mindset, a bit of daftness or two, and it is game on. It is what makes this game so bloody great. We’ve been hooked on that finish – well I know I was.
Now if you excuse me to make some comments, given I’ve lost what talent I had, and am wierd and a coward (Hinge and Bracket again), let’s run through some intitial thoughts:
Let’s not be silly and pin this on Cook’s failure to up the ante. At the start of the England innings our aim was to draw this test. Given 2012, given the experience of the team in these conditions, given how the spin bowling performed in the first innings, the knock by Cook was what we needed. It ensured we would not lose in a game where the chance to win, no matter how bloody well we played, was remote. This was sit-in cricket, which won us the series in 2001. If you don’t believe me, read Michael Henderson on Mike Atherton’s century in that match.
I said we needed one of our more flair players to really make a big score. Sadly they made half centuries. That’s not really a knock on them, but if one had stayed there we might have been able to declare a half hour earlier. I think Cook got the declaration pretty much right and was impressed, yes impressed, with his captaincy. This doesn’t absolve his sins in my eyes, but unlike others who pop, shows that I do come to fair assessments. Meanwhile, those lot were blathering on about KP. Says much.
Well done Adil Rashid. I’m proud he shoved the garbage back down the throats of his critics. The bar is set ludicrously high for our leg spinners, thinking we’ll have a Warne or a Mushy and if we don’t then let us not bother. Given our ability to scorch the tail has been a sore point for a while now, Rashid’s evisceration of the lower order batting was mightily impressive. He bowled with flight, he got enough turn, and his fielders did the rest. Moeen was a really good partner too, and Anderson bowled excellently up front. This was a really good team performance.
I do hope no-one goes on about time-wasting. England are just as adept as the opposition at this. We know this. This is no morality game. I might be being cynical, but in the last two overs Bell and Root decidedly did not go airborne, while Jonny B is trying to cart it to all parts. Better not have been some average harvesting there (I know Root skied a couple up in the air…..)
Matt Prior in the studio. FML.
On to Dubai for the next match. There’s always something about a Pakistan test series that just has that edge and it’s really great we are playing them. It’s such a refreshing change from Australia and India. I’m going to enjoy this winter.
Please add your thoughts. I might do some more on the match later.
After an almost two month hiatus it’s back to normal. We see the puritanical, pompous muppets firing at the blog and its commenters for the same old reasons. We ain’t cheering hard enough.
Some on here aren’t England fans, if they hadn’t noticed, and a lot of those who comment who are from these shores still feel betrayed. All the paeans to our glorious leader aren’t going to change that. If anything, they exacerbate matters. It’s really not that hard to understand if you try.
Instead we got a load of old twaddle and a promise that the chief muppet won’t comment on here. We can but hope. I offered him a genuine opportunity to write something on his blog about the achievement of Alastair Cook in becoming the highest non-Asian test run scorer in Asia, but he declined and gave me some links to his KP pieces? I’m as confused as I was before.
So, we come to Day 5. I saw something that said the draw was 20/1 on, and I think that’s generous. For England to have won, that lead needed to be 80 or 90 and perhaps have a little dart tonight. I don’t blame them for being cautious, and for grinding Pakistan into the dust of Abu Dhabi, not at all. This is a step up from the capitulations on good batting tracks at the Oval and Lord’s and a necessary one. Root, Bell, Stokes and to some extent Buttler got some batting time under their belts, but we needed a dasher to make a dasher’s hundred on a non-dasher’s pitch and I’m not going to stick forks in them for not doing so.
As for Cook, I’m afraid people who don’t want to understand aren’t going to be persuaded. Back in 2011, when Cook was piling on 294 in much the same way as he did in Abu Dhabi, even some of his staunchest allies complained that it was all a bit too self-serving. I thought that harsh in a game where time was absolutely no issue. I was egging him on to get 300. I’m a fan of triple hundreds. I love the quiz on Sporcle about test 300s, often forgetting Younus Khan, for instance! England haven’t had one since 1990. They haven’t had one away since the 1930s.
Times have changed. If this were Root, if this were Ali, if this were Bell, if this were Bairstow, if this were Stokes, I’d have loved to see 300. But it’s Cook. And I’m afraid I just don’t like him. So while I sit here and say it was an excellent innings, it has pulled England by their bootstraps to a position of total safety, and it is an innings no-one else in the England team of the past 20 years could have played, do I rejoice? No. We all know why, and I’m not going into it. To pretend that I’m joyless, or sour, is to miss the point. Was Cook’s innings a joyful one? No. No-one is going to re-watch it for its aesthetic beauty or languid strokes. You are going to sit back and go “that was some effort. What concentration. What ability” but there’s no joy there. He’s done a magnificent job. I just don’t like him. That’s it. In the same way our critics didn’t like someone else, but we’re not allowed to mention that, because we’re obsessed.
On to the pitch and the utter nonsense being spouted about “pitches like these will kill test cricket”. If every dull game at a World Cup football Finals would lead to these calls, then the internet would blow up. For every good Champions League tie, there are a load of god awful ones. I’ve been to nearly 1000 football matches. I’d say 20% have been shockers. You aren’t guaranteed great entertainment on any surface. Spare me, please.
This pitch is as skewed against bowlers as Trent Bridge was against batsmen this summer. But that doesn’t matter, because England win on the latter, and have a tendency not to on the former. In 2012, South Africa made 600+ for the loss of 2 wickets and Anderson, Broad, Swann et al looked no more likely to get a wicket than they did in Abu Dhabi. But as we got humped on that surface, nothing seemed to get mentioned. If chances were taken in this match, the game would be a fair way more advanced. They weren’t. I’m not saying this is a great wicket – it clearly isn’t – but spare me the “death of test” twaddle. England getting a draw here will be a very, very decent achievement.
If you watched the 2000/01 series in Pakistan we endured 14 days of toil, attritional cricket, lit up at the end by the drama of Karachi. In 2005/6 we saw Pakistan pile on runs and England fail to cope. In 2011/12, we saw a team all at sea against spin. England have piled on well over 500. It’s a very good base to prepare for the next game.
I know the last two months have been slow on here. That’s been because I’ve found more interesting things to do, work has been busy, I got a great trip to Johannesburg, had tons of home media issues to sort (seems to be almost there) and, well, I was knackered. I’m not sure I feel that energised now, but I’m sure as hell not going to be fed a pile of old cack by people who, as usual, wilfully misrepresent what we do here. I’m thrilled so many have returned for these test matches. We’re back to well over four figures a day again, and it’s terrific. TLG will be returning soon, the cricket will keep us going, and the media will make us howl.
Plus ca change, you vile lot. Plumbing the depths. They do make me chuckle.
Comments on Day 5 here. We’ll do a round-up at the end of proceedings. As always, you may not agree with me, but you can disagree here. I won’t take it from those who do it from the sidelines, and I will remain like that. It’s much easier when you are a contented person, and at the moment, life isn’t too bad at all.
UPDATE – Twitter is funny this morning. I mean rib-achingly funny.
On the train home and setting up tomorrow. Not read the eulogies, not particularly interested to be honest. This appears to be a road. Shoaib Malik made 245 on it. Alastair Cook is a class bat who can be incredibly tough to get out. He has played well.
I’m going to go off piste a little. I don’t blame Pakistan for a pitch like this. If I were them I’d prepare one where I’d go for a batting contest and take my chances. It is too good a surface but we collapsed on belters in England. It is not the entertainment business. It is sport. I don’t pretend they are exciting but they are part of test cricket. England will do very well to draw. They are doing very well.
Imbeciles like Vaughan need to wind their necks in. We’ve won two (I think) overseas tests v Pakistan for a reason. They are not cheap. They are phenomenally hard earned. Sticking us on disintegrated pitches where it is who has the best spinners and batsman against it world elicit the same moans. We are sounding a lot like Aussies. This is not a contest played for our benefit. Sub continental cricket is hard. Very hard.
I can’t go through the post without responding to the usual muppet. I suggest, if you so love my content, you do one of two things. Fight your corner here or Foxtrot Oscar. I’ve taken a back seat for the past two months. Had a break. Done other things. It’s been nice. It’s not us making it him v him. Distance hasn’t validated the decision. Don’t like it? Don’t come here. I’m a nobody.
The fourth day beckons. Think it will be dull. Might see a triple. You never know. …
Being Outside Cricket 