A few years ago, when I played club cricket, we used to go on tour to Berkshire / Oxfordshire for a tour. We used to play five games on the half-term week at the end of May / beginning of June. We played Bagshot, Kidmore End, Shiplake College, Harpsden or Purley (or any combo thereof) before our Friday fixture. The end of the tour match.
This match traditionally was our nadir. Goring were a decent team, but by this time our band of fat (me) and old cricketers were beginning to long for home. We’d been on tour too long. Our bodies were not coping well. The fact is, too much beer, too much curry, too many big breakfasts and too much time playing meant we were a rabble come Goring on a Friday. We used to get absolutely stuffed.
Any time our club side played a normal game, and got thoroughly defeated, we termed it a “Goring”.
Today, Australia have received a Goring. I’ll even add Harpsden (where I played my last ever club match in a 200 run defeat) to that mix. A Goring/Harpsden.
Where on earth do you start? The first over that ended 10/2 with the two hundred makers, Smith and Rogers gone and forgotten. I was at work, and Broad’s clatter of wickets resonated as the three or four of us keeping an eye on the game told each other the news. Of course, I was first because Andy gave me the head start (see comments thread).
60 all out. That is absolutely dreadful. Pomicide they are calling it Down Under. Stuart Broad took 8-15, which Devon Malcolm’s day of days aside is the best figures I’ve ever seen from an England bowler. I’ve never seen Australia bowled out for less by England. I thought Melbourne 2010 was the perfect day’s cricket, but that performance on Boxing Day was Stalingrad compared to today’s capitulation. Malcolm Conn’s birthday will always be remembered. “At least we won’t lose 5-0” was his disappointing and somewhat half-hearted response to the “bantz”.
Joe Root rammed home the advantage. This is his team, and we’ve been saying this for months now. He is our best batsman, he seems to be the one to keep the flags flying, the spirits up. We will see his tactical nous in due course.
It’s the aftermath that is possibly more interesting than the action itself. Unless something else happens that defies the mind, you can stick a fork in the Aussies. They are done. Now we get to see people get carried away…..
It’s been a day. 214 in front. Game pretty much over. A Goring.
Being Outside Cricket 
Series over too and Ashes won, effectively before the drinks break of the first session.
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No side has won a Test when bowled out in the first innings for less than 99 since WW2. Pakistan in UAE in 2012 is the lowest (the match where Azhar Ali and Younis Khan made second innings’ centuries).
A few teams have drawn when bowled out for less than a hundred on first innings but nearly all had significant help from the weather. The nearest parallel I can find to Australia’s position (and they are facing a much heftier deficit) is this one:
http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/63848.html
I’m not putting money on a repeat.
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I think this series puts both the 5-0 Down Under and the India tour to England into some extra perspective. I’ve written before that home conditions and “back to back” Tests seem to have created more lopsided matches and series – but this feels like extra proof of that.
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I met an older gentleman I know in the supermarket last Sunday and we discussed the test at Edgbaston. His first comment was ‘they don’t tour any more’. In his day they would turn up in May, play most of the counties and, between tests there would normally be another first class match. His point was they got used to local conditions and that helped the touring team. The Australian batting has been extremely poor, it moved a bit, but as England showed it is a good test pitch. See out the morning for the loss of 2 or 3 and bat the rest of the day. So many just showed no appetite for the fight. I enjoyed the taking of Australian wickets but it wasn’t a test. Even when we were on top during 2005 we had to earn our wickets and runs were ground out against hostile bowling. It just seemed too easy this morning.
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and because of t20, the promising fringe players don’t come and play full seasons at counties in england either.
it is no surprise how good Rogers has been compared to the rest of this shower, and he got an absolute jaffa from Broad.
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Worked from home today given the tube strike…had set Record thinking I could dip in, dip out as necessary for wickets at lunchtime.
Left me cold.
What on earth was that from Australia?
What on earth has happened to Test cricket?
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I have genuine mixed feelings about today. Some of our critics would have you believe that we want England to lose. All I can say is that this morning I found it exiting. I had a buzz. It was still there, that love of seeing the Aussies get a pasting. Whatever else Iam it’s not an Aussie supporter. I have lived through many decades when England have been on the other end of crushing defeats. It was fun to watch. And I enjoyed it. I have never seen an Aussie team or indeed any team bowled out in the first session of a test match., Amazing what happens when you pitch the ball up hey Mr Selvey?
However, this was dire batting. This was worse than the days of Kim Hughes. And the worrying thing is for the game in general is this seems to be the future. The structure of the game is not promoting quality batting. And you are now getting very one sided home series between the big 3. I can’t imagine this will bode w well for the game long term.
It’s was fun, it was enjoyable, but I don’t feel that deep feeling of achievement for my team as I did watching England in 2005. The game has changed. I’m not sure for the better.
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Last time a side was bowled out before lunch on Day 1 (before today) was when New Zealand made 45 against South Africa in Cape Town in 2013. 11 wickets fell in that session (Graeme Smith being the South African to not make it to lunch). South Africa ended day 1 on 252/3, an overnight lead of 207. That Test ended in three days, and I have no reason to expect this Test to make it to day 4.
Now, how much financial damage will this do to Notts?
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I hated it. Farce. This series has been the worst ever.
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I saw some tweets saying they were insured against an early finish.
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Sacrilegious thought: are five Test series worth it?
For the occasional epic, there is also a lot of dross and they damage scheduling.
I’m starting to think their time has passed.
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I think that squeezing games in back to back is proving counterproductive (at least for the away team).
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Not many play that many in a series any more anyway. Only Ashes really merits it. South Africa deserves it on current ability, and elsewhere few really care anymore.
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England are scheduled to play five Tests in India in 2016/17 and of course England’s next home series against India is five Tests.
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Oh what joy. Can’t wait for that.
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Watching on Channel 5 plus 1, just after watching Day 3 of Edgbaston 2005. Is this the same sport? Not buying “Stokes 2015 > Strauss 2005” either.
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I’m not sure Stokes catch in real time was superb, it seemed behind him before he moved. However context is everything, Strauss was getting Gilchrist for not very many (20ish) off Flintoff? It prevented a counter attack from a dangerous batsman, rather than an outstanding catch that was part of a procession of catches.
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This is the winner anyway.
Execution points: 10/10
Context points: 12/10
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Australia are shot to pieces. They are making some very bad calls on selection. There is obviously dissent in the ranks regarding Haddin. Clarke just mumbles about “ask the selectors” when asked about the choices. They had 3 pace bowlers today plus the spinner. On a track that was created for seam bowling.
Today they looked like they didn’t want to be here. They can’t play the moving ball, and they seem not to care because in a few months they will be back on more favourable conditions.
Sport is about a contest. Increasingly there is little contest. Just home dominance. People tell me it’s an event, but Trooping the colour is an event. It’s not a contest. Maybe Cricket fans have become like fans of the big Premier league teams. They go to watch a win rather than a contest. It’s what they prefer. The result is assured and it’s more the manner of the victory. A bit like the colosseum in Rome. The Christians were thrown to the Lions today. They didn’t make much of an effort. But the crowd went home happy. Bad luck if you have a ticket for Saturday and Sumday.
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In hindsight, would Watto have been just as feckless in the middle order over the past couple of Tests? He’s a LBW cert but he can stick around.
I can’t fathom why they are only using four bowlers. They are 2-1 down, they are chasing wins. You put your resources into getting the 20 wickets regardless of how helpful the conditions are. You have to take a punt and back your top five batsman.
Siddle should be playing in this Test.
But your main point is correct, cricket is really skewed now. it’s bloody wonderful bowling the auld enemy out for nothing. You can be as anti-establishment as you like, this was great. But at the same time, it’s pretty damning.
Broad’s spell today reminded me of Harimson’s at Sabina. It was delicious. Root, again was wonderful. Not seen the Bell LBW, but by accounts he was unfortunate through hawkeye. Happy for Bairstow to grind out a nice score.
But with only four bowlers, chasing a game, Australia are miles behind. They’re done.
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Siddle would have been a better bet on that wicket, but they are obviously terrified of weakening their batting. The switch of Marsh for Marsh doesn’t make much sense.
Very odd.
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Truthfully they’re only using three bowlers. 65 overs, and only 9 from Lyon, spells of 2, 1, 3, and 3 overs. Then Warner gets a bowl. Why not just tell him to Shut This Party Down from one end for a while?
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The DOAG debate on TMS at lunchtime here starting around 02:46:00 –
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b06495fk#play
Ed ‘The Essayist’ Smith vs. Jarrod Kimber. Ed hopes we’ll call it a draw…..
(If the direct link doesn’t work, and they sometimes haven’t in the past to the BBC, then obviously it can found through the BBC website).
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The Essayist is about as deluded as the Aussie selectors.
And no, it wasn’t a draw. Ed came off as an establishmemt toady. One wonders now if Selveys boast at the start of last season about not understanding the workings of the ICC was the default position of those journalists who want to keep access to the power elites.
Would like to give credit to Aggers today. I thought he was excellent as moderator. Sometimes I have got cross with Aggers but I know he has concerns about the way the ICC is going.
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A good deal of credit to him – but I did feel he kept the discussion off the role of the ECB and there was very little on Giles Clarke.
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There wasn’t much at all on Clarke. Not at all.
Whisper it quietly, but Ed Smith did not live up to the billing that I was given to believe. Don’t confuse this with being happy at what he said. But he wasn’t having me stove my screen in.
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Ed started with a lot of indignant bluster, but he got his backside handed to him by Kimber. He rather tailed off after that.
By the way, a message to Mr Kimber, this is why we are so critical of the English ECB media. On the interview he had with TFT he was critical of those of us who criticise the established journos. Today you saw why we get so angry.
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Criticism is strong. I’ve spoken to Jarrod on DM and he just says he wished I concentrated on cricket more, but knows why I do what I do. It was Kimber who read the top 10 worst journo column out to them at Lord’s last year.
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I thought the most interesting thing to come from that discussion was Kimber’s suggestion that fraudulent activity was waiting to be discovered by a diligent journalist, and he expects someone to take up that challenge. I look forward to seeing what happens next in that regard.
His comments about having his press pass revoked to deny him of his livelihood in response to his criticisms were also very disturbing, and suggest an organisation of dubious ethics.
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Kimber did make the poimt that the established journos are terrified of losing access to the machine. Personally I think “access” is highly overrated. I think you just get spoon fed the spin the elite want to hand you. I don’t think you break big stories by playing the game.
Having said that if you are a journalist at a big paper and your editor asks why you can’t get any interviews with the top players, you aren’t going to last very long if you keep pissing off the people you are supposed to be covering.
I guess they want a diffemt audience. I rarely ever read these exclusive interviews with players. They are so bland it is pointless. But the sheep seem to like them
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Everything is about access these days. I’m sure Manchester local journos have many stories to tell about covering United under the Crimson Snide.
My favourite part of the interview was Ed Smith thinking he was walking onto unchallenged ground when it came to how sports were run in the US. They exist to make money, sure, but by and large they don’t abuse their fans, care deeply about bad publicity’s effect on the bottom line (check the NFL over spousal abuse, MLB over PEDs) and yet there are different winners by and large, and the big teams are not assured of success. The NFL’s biggest team, Dallas, hasn’t won in 20 years. The NBA’s biggest team, the LA Lakers, are a laughing stock. Baseball’s biggest team, the Yankees (or Dodgers) are up there, but the Yankees haven’t won since 2009. They care about competition.
I’d have handed Smith his arse on that. He isn’t the font of all knowledge and the sooner he treats people like he isn’t then many people might warm to him. I believe he has something to say. I just won’t listen to him with that supercilious attitude.
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I listened to this live as well and I felt Smith was trying to be clever and at times he came across as obtuse, not to mention he completely missed the point about certain points, which Kimber pulled him up on in simple and plain language.
Smith prattled on about ’cause and effect’ and comparisons to well administrated sports, hence the USA sports comments and he waffled about his views as an ‘essayist’ and what concerned him about the film. As I said, Smith used big words and supposed intelligent language, however, this just made him sound like an idiot. Whereas the DOAG makers spoke in simple and straightforward terms and, therefore, their argument was strong, clear, concise and coherent.
I have not seen the film, but I must do, as the points from Kimber et al shocked me and really made me sit up and take notice!
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Ed Smith once again misses the point spectacularly. American sport is national. Cricket is international. Big difference. Yes some aspect of US sport are laudable, but they are not exportable. You’d have thought Jared Kimber’s accent may have given the game away……..
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Someone BTL at the Guardian thinks this was better than Headingley 1981.
I don’t know what’s going off out there.
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Arron you need to leave that place alone. It’s a freak show. Full of modern day Elephant men.
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I like to take the temperature of those I used to have an affinity with. Even if it’s just to see how far apart we’ve grown.
Someone else has already anointed Root’s innings the finest century by an England batsman since Gower in 1985. I swear I am not making this shit up.
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I believe that one day the people will wake up and think for themselves.
I loved watching Gower in 1985. But seriously. Please. This is silly.
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“Someone else has already anointed Root’s innings the finest century by an England batsman since Gower in 1985”
That’s exactly what I mean, it’s a freak show.
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I’ve got a dozen better off the top of my head. Some were even made against great bowlers, facing more than 60 runs. Crazy, I know, this “context” malarkey. Maybe it’ll catch on one day.
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Now there’s someone saying he got more pleasure yesterday than in 2005. I literally cannot, even in my most generous-spirited and partisan mood, get my head round that.
Presumably this person switched off, say, the 2012 Ryder Cup and watched “Lemmings Live” or “Seal Clubbing Weekly” instead.
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Hey I comment on there you know! Ok point taken
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I really don’t like Ed Smith on the radio. Can’t he just essay off?
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I guess Broad will be credited with a phenomenal bowling performance today. I’d suggest his bowling was pretty good, under sympathetic conditions, but the events of the day were more to do with Australian batting. Or should I say “batting”. It strikes me the English bowling this whole series has largely been accurate and disciplined, and Australia’s has rarely been that, and this has been the key difference between the sides. Neither side has bowled brilliantly, although both have produced occassional good balls.
So, what’s the story with the batting? No one was defeated by a great ball, they’ve just forgotten how to defend. But neither were they out slashing, it’s not a result of an overly aggressive approach. They simply didn’t turn up today. There was a ckluelessness about it that makes me think it’s menatl rather than skills based. Which is surprising given what Lehmann has done, but there it is.
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The Australians were unfocused in the first Test too, though they didn’t play so badly. Something’s wrong. Playing too much cricket? Playing England too often? Wrong diet? Sitting up too late in the team hotel watching porn?
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Brettig on cricinfo also suggests there was some complacency in the team, despite the Edgbaston loss.
I hadn’t thought of hotel porn though, you could be on to something there.
Theer’s something wrong with the team, that’s for sure, that wasn’t just a collapse, it was an absence, a vaccuum, a black hole.
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Love that pic of Broad with hands over face! The SportsDay one’s wrong though, it should be Aussiecide not Pomicide.
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Listening to channel 9 as it happened would have been fun today. I’m sure they took the positives!
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On the other side of the coin, I like Michael Clarke. He will be high in my estimation for a long time just for his response to Phil Hughes’ passing. And I like his batting usually. But I don’t like seeing him or the Aussies this low. Maybe that’s my humanity bubbling up. Summat wrong, summat’s afoot.
This shouldn’t be happening. I’m glad we aren’t losing 0-3 already but this is like kicking a totally plastered hobo up and down an alley. 2005 was a proper contest. 1981 was too, for most of series, as I recall. This is summat else. It isn’t passing my smell test. Sure we are on the money with the ball, taking good catches, and batting tidily. Wish I knew why it feels off. And it’s not just coz I’m anticipating the torrent of slime from the ECB-press toadies.
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OK – I will boldly charge where no man should go:
India, Test series, players go mysteriously AWOL
AUS, Test series, players go mysteriously AWOL
Now if this was Pakistan…
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“This is summat else. It isn’t passing my smell test. Sure we are on the money with the ball, taking good catches, and batting tidily. Wish I knew why it feels off.”
You’re not alone, MM.
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It was an odd day.
There’s no doubt that Broad bowled very well, and Root batted very well. Stokes’s catch was a blinder. But there was something up with the Aussies from the start.
Clarke was clearly already pissed off at the toss, and it seems pretty obvious why – he was given a team that was only ever going to work if they bowled first on a green-top. Bringing in Shaun Marsh for Mitchell Marsh rather than Voges was just bonkers. Aus have two quicks who can only bowl 4 overs in a spell – it’s an attack designed to bowl a side out in 50 overs or it’s screwed. I can’t see how that team could win this test without winning the toss, and Clarke (and maybe the rest of his team) is smart enough to know that.
Aus’s performance reminded me of a club team who take one look at the pitch, and decide as one that if they lose the toss they’re f***ed. Not one player looked like he wanted to be there, and Clarke’s out shot was one of a man whose mind had gone.
Like MM, I didn’t revel in it as much as I thought I would – Aus were frankly pitiful. No-one really enjoys watching their football team win 8-0 ,or their rugby team win 80-0, and this was that sort of day.
Still rather we had the Ashes than them though!
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Ed Smith was shocking, absolutely shocking in that Tms interview. Do these establishment stooges not understand how they come across? Honestly he put me off my snooze. If they had a brain these people would be dangerous. Thank god it is cricket that they focus on and not something important. The doag boys summarised it well sinister and bungling
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Vic is once again the voice of reason. Dare I suggest a little canny timing here? A coded message for both the selectors and Geoffrey!
‘Thereafter Root developed as a Test player in fits and starts before experiencing the ultimate trigger to success for gifted cricketers: he was dropped. Omitted from the Sydney Test of 2014, he was hurt and jolted. He vowed that he would never allow this to happen again. Being dropped can be such a brilliant catalyst for a cricketer – though this realisation generally comes only with retirement.’
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Aw c’mon chaps. Enjoy it while it lasts! We just bowled out Australia for 60 and then smashed them all round the park. As bad as Goring could be (that’s where I played my last innings – to date – 0 first ball bowled off my legs) there was fun to be had there over the years. And yes ask Norman Bates on the correct meaning on Pomicide. The culltural void as Mr.Atherton once said at a hospitality event that I attended. That copy was probably subbed by the well know jazz singer Dizzy Gillespie. As much as I loath what has been going on and the sycophantism of some, I’ll take joy when it is offered. In other words…Ave it!
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Aw c’mon chaps. Enjoy it while it lasts! We just bowled out Australia for 60 and then smashed them all round the park. As bad as Goring could be (that’s where I played my last innings – to date – 0 first ball bowled off my legs) there was fun to be had there over the years.
And yes ask Norman Bates on the correct meaning of Pomicide. The “culltural void” as Mr.Atherton once said at a hospitality event I attended. That copy was probably subbed by the well know jazz singer Dizzy Gillespie.
As much as I loath what has been going on and the sycophantism of some, I’ll take joy when it is offered. In other words…Ave it!
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