A few years ago, when I played club cricket, we used to go on tour to Berkshire / Oxfordshire for a tour. We used to play five games on the half-term week at the end of May / beginning of June. We played Bagshot, Kidmore End, Shiplake College, Harpsden or Purley (or any combo thereof) before our Friday fixture. The end of the tour match.
This match traditionally was our nadir. Goring were a decent team, but by this time our band of fat (me) and old cricketers were beginning to long for home. We’d been on tour too long. Our bodies were not coping well. The fact is, too much beer, too much curry, too many big breakfasts and too much time playing meant we were a rabble come Goring on a Friday. We used to get absolutely stuffed.
Any time our club side played a normal game, and got thoroughly defeated, we termed it a “Goring”.
Today, Australia have received a Goring. I’ll even add Harpsden (where I played my last ever club match in a 200 run defeat) to that mix. A Goring/Harpsden.
Where on earth do you start? The first over that ended 10/2 with the two hundred makers, Smith and Rogers gone and forgotten. I was at work, and Broad’s clatter of wickets resonated as the three or four of us keeping an eye on the game told each other the news. Of course, I was first because Andy gave me the head start (see comments thread).
60 all out. That is absolutely dreadful. Pomicide they are calling it Down Under. Stuart Broad took 8-15, which Devon Malcolm’s day of days aside is the best figures I’ve ever seen from an England bowler. I’ve never seen Australia bowled out for less by England. I thought Melbourne 2010 was the perfect day’s cricket, but that performance on Boxing Day was Stalingrad compared to today’s capitulation. Malcolm Conn’s birthday will always be remembered. “At least we won’t lose 5-0” was his disappointing and somewhat half-hearted response to the “bantz”.
Joe Root rammed home the advantage. This is his team, and we’ve been saying this for months now. He is our best batsman, he seems to be the one to keep the flags flying, the spirits up. We will see his tactical nous in due course.

It’s the aftermath that is possibly more interesting than the action itself. Unless something else happens that defies the mind, you can stick a fork in the Aussies. They are done. Now we get to see people get carried away…..

It’s been a day. 214 in front. Game pretty much over.  A Goring.