2015 Ashes – 3rd Test Day 1

Welcome to a new test. I’ve avoided all mentions of 10 years ago, because this mob isn’t tied to that team at all. We’ve come a long way since then.

I’m going to be bloody busy all day so you’ll need to fill in the blanks for me. Comments below.

Make ’em funnier than a Lovejoy Impersonation. Because if you can’t find the impressions and lovejoy material funny, well I feel sorry for you.


94 thoughts on “2015 Ashes – 3rd Test Day 1

    • Fred Jul 29, 2015 / 8:33 am

      That’s extraordinary. I notice it says at the bottom “Jonathan Wilson writes for the Guardian, the National, Sports Illustrated, World Soccer and Fox.”. He certainly doesn’t write for the Guardian like that. I find their lack of interest in this story unfathomable.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Arron Wright Jul 29, 2015 / 8:35 am

      Blimey. I mean, it amazes me how easy a ride the Guardian got from some in January 2014; there was no excuse yesterday.

      Cricinfo beats the Guardian by 405 runs. Again.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Burly Jul 29, 2015 / 8:44 am

      Comments already enraging me:

      “If Kimber etc.. were so interested in the health of Test cricket, then why didn’t they visit the stadiums which were played empty in most of the world/countries for Test matches, why not ask people the reason for preferring shorter formats? This political shilling and blaming won’t help anyone instead of just feeling good about oneself, the audience and the spectators will make sure that viability of a format they like is fulfilled not some crusaders with an agenda.”

      for the love of…


      • paulewart Jul 29, 2015 / 9:19 am

        Bull’s a modern day Pangloss. A conservative to the marrow.


    • Fred Jul 29, 2015 / 9:49 am

      Interesting to check out the writers twitter stream, he says “We’ve had to tone down what I said about Giles Clarke, sadly, but here’s a review of Death of a Gentleman.” Lawyers veto?


  1. Arron Wright Jul 29, 2015 / 8:29 am

    As a radio listener, one of my primary concerns is whether “the worst double act since Mike and Bernie Winters” is on the cards at Edgbaston this week?

    Liked by 2 people

    • LordCanisLupus Jul 29, 2015 / 8:31 am

      Ed Smith and Lovejoy. To quote Denis wise, if they were ice creams, they’d lick themselves.


      • Mark Jul 29, 2015 / 8:43 am

        I thought calling Prior the big cheese was quite funny. If you don’t find it as funny I feel sorry for you.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Arron Wright Jul 29, 2015 / 8:53 am

        Very disrespectful not to use their proper names.

        FICJAM in future, please.

        (And if you don’t find that funny, I feel sorry for you)


        • LordCanisLupus Jul 29, 2015 / 9:01 am

          Appears from TMS tweet that there is no FICJAM or FIFJAM on the rota today


  2. SimonH Jul 29, 2015 / 8:29 am

    Interesting point by Will Macpherson on Cricinfo that this is the first time England have played without a SA-born player since Antigua 2004.

    On some subterranean level, hasn’t that been partly what the last eighteen months has been about?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. SimonH Jul 29, 2015 / 8:46 am

    The correlation between winning the toss at Edgbaston and winning the match this century:


    There isn’t one. In England’s six wins they won the toss three times and lost it three times. In the most recent defeat (SA 2008) England won the toss.

    The excuse-making is pathetic.


    • alan Jul 29, 2015 / 9:22 am

      If you ever needed proof that Pringle has always been a numpty that quote provides it


  4. metatone Jul 29, 2015 / 9:13 am

    I missed various earlier threads. Some quick thoughts:

    1) The pitch matters a lot. Hard to see how England can compete if the pitch doesn’t give that bit of assistance that brings Jimmy to life. Pretty worried too if Finn has to replace Wood.

    2) Oddity how we bowl bowlers into the ground (c.f. Wood) but generally we don’t get batsmen enough time in the middle. Bairstow’s rebirth comes in part from having time to play. Lyth is particularly suffering from this. Central contracts – good in parts…

    3) At the moment from the forecast Days 1 & 4 look best for bowling. Very tough decision on the toss though for England. If they put Australia in and they get to 100-1, heads will likely drop. (And the danger is, a side can get to 100-1 with a bit of luck, even if you bowl well.) Yet, of course, go in to bat, get to 30-3 and heads will drop too. Big call here from Bayliss about which part of the team has more mental resilience.

    Of course, if the Aussies win the toss, I’d guess they’ll bat…


  5. Boz Jul 29, 2015 / 9:27 am

    you wanted somefink funny, you got it!

    from the archives …………..


    “Cricket, eh?” he said flatly and then headed towards a taxi.

    “Fielding?” said Mr Marx abstractedly. “Didn’t he write Tom Brown’s School Days?” Well, no, he wrote Tom Jones. “Tom Jones’s School Days?” said Mr Marx looking out at the Edgware Road.

    ………… as we passed at the notice on Q stand which says “Members and friends”, remarking: “That’s the most ambiguous thing I’ve ever heard.”

    “You’re over here on holiday, are you, Mr Marx?” Groucho stroked his chin: “I was until I saw this game.”



    • Mark Jul 29, 2015 / 11:11 am

      Groucho Marx once tried to join an American private country club (he liked tennis) but he was turned down because he was Jewish. So he then asked if his son could join because he was only half Jewish, and maybe he could therefore only attend half of the time.

      Right sort of family, right sort of religion, right sort of school. Private clubs, don’t yer just love um!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. SimonH Jul 29, 2015 / 9:36 am

    Australia won toss and bat. Match decided?

    Cook said he’d have batted. Sky pundits were divided which suggests toss doesn’t make much difference.

    Australia unchanged; Finn in for Wood (Cook stressed it was fitness with “Woody”).


    • Mike Jul 29, 2015 / 10:03 am

      We’re going to lose aren’t we? Flat pitch, slow pitch, turning pitch…it makes no difference. The last 18 months have finally completely taken their toll on me and I can no longer see light at the end of the tunnel and have fallen into a complete pessimism spiral.


      • MM Jul 29, 2015 / 10:44 am

        Don’t fret Mike. You are amongst friends here. Realism is where it’s at.

        The alternative reality that Ed Smith, Swann[y], etc., live in might seem more clever and jolly but they’ll have to come back to Planet Earth one day.

        Y’know, that Swann[y]… he’s a classy bugger, ain’t he? You’d think a ship-leaving rat would prefer to draw less attention to itself.

        Liked by 1 person

    • metatone Jul 29, 2015 / 10:12 am

      Is Anderson getting any movement?
      With Finn still not back to his best, Wood is a big loss in the variety stakes (he had pace).
      Colour me worried for England right now.


      • metatone Jul 29, 2015 / 10:13 am

        OK, that was a very good ball IMO from Anderson to dismiss Warner – maybe there is hope…


  7. lionel joseph Jul 29, 2015 / 10:02 am

    please Finn, please bowl well.

    all i want is for you to come back and bowl like you used to, under a coach who doesn’t judge you on your economy rate.


  8. SimonH Jul 29, 2015 / 10:07 am

    First over – definitely more carry than first day pitches at Cardiff and Lord’s.

    England celebrated the Warner run out alarm like they thought they’d got him but the replay showed he was in by three feet. Bizarre.

    That single put Rogers equal with Jim Burke for the longest Test batting career without a duck.


  9. Rooto Jul 29, 2015 / 10:15 am

    Warner got 2. My Panel predictions as accurate as usual, I see.


  10. thelegglance Jul 29, 2015 / 10:17 am

    England look rather up for it today, in a way they never were at Lords at any time.


  11. Burly Jul 29, 2015 / 10:20 am

    Jimmy takes a wicket. Botham immediately decries fans who were suggesting that Anderson was maybe a problem with his lack of wicket taking this series.


  12. SimonH Jul 29, 2015 / 10:20 am

    Botham thinks it’s laughable people on the train journey to the ground were questioning Anderson (not asking for him to be dropped, mind you – just questioning him).

    Botham says he’s allowed one bad match. Of course he is. What about the three before that?

    Switching the commentary off.


  13. lionel joseph Jul 29, 2015 / 10:41 am

    Have some of that.

    Have some of that Flower.

    Liked by 1 person

    • MM Jul 29, 2015 / 10:47 am

      Yeah, eff you Flower!

      Where is And[y] Flower though?

      Liked by 1 person

    • Arron Wright Jul 29, 2015 / 10:57 am

      Pure coincidence that Finn took a wicket in his first over after Flower and Saker left. That will be the line. Like the Electricity Board in that old Not The Nine O’clock News sketch,

      “I’m sorry, this has absolutely nothing to do with us.”

      Liked by 1 person

      • lionel joseph Jul 29, 2015 / 11:05 am

        tell him he’s too expensive, tell him his action is wrong, tell him his knocking over the bails just won’t do. break down his confidence and let him fail and then try and turn him into the bowler you think he should be.

        don’t tell him what a great bowler he is just the way he is, don’t tell him that his average and strike rate is better than Anderson and Broad’s, don’t nurture and develop his confidence and let him bowl the way he does.

        one of the most uncommented on mistreatment and mismanagement of Flower’s tenure.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Arron Wright Jul 29, 2015 / 11:17 am

        The spin from certain quarters is going to be hilarious though, isn’t it? Bring yer popcorn!

        Liked by 1 person

  14. SimonH Jul 29, 2015 / 10:42 am

    Broad hauled off after three unimpressive overs – he was good at Lord’s but has been in the mid 80s and not getting much movement here.

    Finn on – and gets Smith!


  15. thelegglance Jul 29, 2015 / 10:58 am

    Finn’s looking rather decent here. Obviously time out of the England team does him good. Hmmm.

    Liked by 1 person

    • metatone Jul 29, 2015 / 11:00 am

      There’s something very odd about bowling coaching in the England setup.
      Cooley & Saker both set up some really good things and at the same time have significant failures with particular bowlers. You wonder if it’s a philosophical issue at work.


  16. lionel joseph Jul 29, 2015 / 11:00 am

    I don’t care what happens from here.

    I feel i can switch off for the rest of the day.

    After his career was sabotaged by Cook and Flower’s cowardice at Trent Bridge in 2013, I feel finally that he is back. And no-one is more deserving of a return to Test cricket.

    I do want to see if he breaks 90mph in the next over though, so i’ll keep watching.

    Liked by 1 person

    • metatone Jul 29, 2015 / 11:02 am

      Lovely yorker there.


    • Zephirine Jul 29, 2015 / 1:49 pm

      Michael Holding on Sky being fierce in defence of Finn. Let him bowl, doesn’t matter if he goes for a few runs, etc.

      This is quite exciting, isn’t it?

      Liked by 2 people

      • Arron Wright Jul 29, 2015 / 1:57 pm

        It was Michael Holding who castigated English commentators for even daring to suggest (c.2012/13) that a typical Bresnan effort of 2-45 was a more valuable use of 20 overs than a typical Finn effort of 5-100.

        Liked by 1 person

  17. metatone Jul 29, 2015 / 11:05 am

    And rain stops play.


  18. Mark Jul 29, 2015 / 11:32 am

    Aggers making a complete tit of him self about Finn. Boycott saying “just bowl fast and take wickets”. Aggers banging on about his action and how his knee used to stick out.

    Boycott “who cares he takes wickets?”

    Aggers and all the other ECB journos just won’t deviate from the ECB message, and admit Flower and the management got it wrong.


    • Arron Wright Jul 29, 2015 / 11:39 am

      “Flower and the management got it wrong.”

      Tantamount to blasphemy. Instead of women standing around in fake beards waiting to stone you, it’ll be English cricket journalists.

      Liked by 1 person

      • d'Arthez Jul 29, 2015 / 12:56 pm

        But who is screaming that he is not the messiah?


  19. Mike Jul 29, 2015 / 1:29 pm

    According to cricinfo, sounds like Finn is bowling with decent pace at the minute, anyone watching who can confirm?


    • Zephirine Jul 29, 2015 / 3:28 pm

      (I’m listening to Sky but not really able to watch) – the view seems to be that Very Fast Finn is a thing of the past but he’s improved his technique and is now threatening at the lower pace. Somebody said ‘McGrath-style’ and Warne didn’t argue.


  20. d'Arthez Jul 29, 2015 / 1:34 pm

    Australia doing a reprise of England’s 4th innings effort at Lord’s. Really poor stuff.


  21. paulewart Jul 29, 2015 / 1:45 pm

    Let’s see how England fair with the bat….Glad to see Finn come back to some form. Just goes to show how toxic the Flower/Sake regime had become: so many players seem to be flourishing under Bayliss and Farbrace. They will fail, horribly on occasion, but at least they’ll fail playing their natural games.


  22. Boz Jul 29, 2015 / 1:46 pm

    And now we can confirm that Cook’s Select Waitrose Eleven are truly kings of the world. Bit of rain, swing and seam and they are magic. bring on the Aussies …. bring on South Africa …. rain and cloud and swing and seam and England and Anderson are number one ….. Only Rogers holding it together …… Can’t wait for Johnson and Starc to bowl later in the same conditions …………..


  23. Tuffers86 Jul 29, 2015 / 2:11 pm

    Why do I track things on the BBC? This is ridiculous!

    Good call, James. Sounds ridiculous but it’s something I can imagine Michael Clarke doing. It would certainly un-nerve England.

    James Hand: Wonder how tempted Australia are to give up now, declare, and make England bat out the difficult few overs before tea


    • SteveT Jul 29, 2015 / 2:52 pm

      Well we’ll have to bat those overs out now! 136 all out. Chance for top order to redeem itself?


      • Tuffers86 Jul 29, 2015 / 3:15 pm

        Phew, survived! Early tea!


  24. Mark Jul 29, 2015 / 2:57 pm

    I haven’t seen any of it. Has it been good bowling or rank bad batting? Or a bit of both?

    Has the pitch done a lot?

    Not good news for Warickshire ccc. They are not going to pay off too much of the loan in this test match. It could be all over by Friday.


    • SteveT Jul 29, 2015 / 3:05 pm

      From what they’ve said on TMS (thankfully Swann-free) it’s a bit of both. Sounds like it doing a bit, so it’s not going to be easy against the Aussie attack, especially with that top order. 250 would be good, 350 very good


      • Tuffers86 Jul 29, 2015 / 3:11 pm

        I’m watching it. Anderson bowled very well. Finn was bowling beautifully earlier. Australia weren’t batting very well. Not very well at all.

        Loose wafty bats, not playing a straight one and Anderson’s guile basically.

        Pitch is doing a bit, but nothing silly. Anderson adapted to the conditions and bowled accordingly. I think if a bowler will over compensate the assistance on it, as you do, it might not be as effective.


      • SteveT Jul 29, 2015 / 3:29 pm

        Oh god, muppet Pringle is on TMS, time for a loo break.


  25. metatone Jul 29, 2015 / 3:52 pm

    Said it above – Lyth needs more time at the crease – central contracts and the shape of the England season haven’t helped him… 2nd innings looking very important for him…


  26. SteveT Jul 29, 2015 / 4:01 pm

    Carrying the drinks in the Caribbean didn’t help neither


  27. Tuffers86 Jul 29, 2015 / 4:23 pm

    Damn lies by ECB TV. Warne: “Bell should have put his hand up and I say ‘I want to bat at three’. He was promoted by default.”

    He did. Flower said no.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Grenville Jul 29, 2015 / 4:44 pm

      I spotted that. It made me cross, such lazy punditry.

      Liked by 1 person

  28. Tuffers86 Jul 29, 2015 / 4:36 pm

    Cook’s really unlucky there. Short leg didn’t even see it and somehow caught it.


    • pktroll (@pktroll) Jul 29, 2015 / 4:41 pm

      I remember Michael Vaughan getting caught between short leg’s legs in Sri Lanka in 2007 I think.

      Cook was looking pretty good there.


      • SimonH Jul 29, 2015 / 4:44 pm

        Wasn’t someone (Tres?) caught in short leg’s billowing shirt in Sri Lanka once?


      • Tuffers86 Jul 29, 2015 / 4:47 pm

        Joyce was caught by Trott’s lucky pocket in one CC game, if I remember. it went straight in as Trott was turning.


      • pktroll (@pktroll) Jul 29, 2015 / 4:53 pm

        Simon, yes you are right. I just remembered the Vaughan one better. LCL has made a good call too


  29. d'Arthez Jul 29, 2015 / 4:41 pm

    And Cook is still not clear from Butcher and Brearley. And still behind Flintoff in terms of batting average in Ashes Tests by an England captain.


  30. Mark Jul 29, 2015 / 4:44 pm

    I agree to a certain extent. On the other hand it was a crap ball, and he could have hit it any where to either side of the fielder.

    That is the second wicket we have just handed them on a plate. Just seen the first wicket. What a terrible shot by Lyth. I think they are going to have to try and find another opener. He had done the hard work as well.


  31. pktroll (@pktroll) Jul 29, 2015 / 4:57 pm

    Oh is it ok if I can have a go at Clarke’s ‘funky captaincy. He takes off Lyon after his successful over and brings back Hazelwood who has bowled comfortably the worst he has done in the series so far. Bell and Root have got off to a bit of a flier as a partnership and some of the fields don’t make sense. If I was a captain I’d fancy getting Bell early with the tweaker.


    • wrongunatlongon Jul 29, 2015 / 5:14 pm

      From a distance, Clarke, like his bowlers, has tried too much today. A 70-100 run first innings deficit wouldn’t have been an awful position, compared to what it could be if England continue to score at this rate.


    • Arron Wright Jul 29, 2015 / 5:19 pm

      Exactly what was driving me bonkers listening in the car on the way home. About 40 minutes, as many runs and no spin. I like him as a captain, but my word he’s overrated.


      • pktroll (@pktroll) Jul 29, 2015 / 5:27 pm

        And hey presto after Lyon comes back on, Bell hits the ball straight up in the air and is out.


  32. d'Arthez Jul 29, 2015 / 5:21 pm

    Any bets on Cook being lauded for his brilliant captaincy, i.e. losing the toss?


  33. Tuffers86 Jul 29, 2015 / 5:26 pm

    What has Bell done!


  34. Zephirine Jul 29, 2015 / 5:27 pm

    Oh, Bell…… have to get that century in the second innings now…


    • Mark Jul 29, 2015 / 5:38 pm

      That’s 3 out of 3 who have just given it away. If England end up losing this game they may come to regret these freebies.

      Obviously still in a very good position. But we could have been looking at 200/250 lead.


      • metatone Jul 29, 2015 / 5:43 pm

        Agreed, but for Bell at least I think to be fair you have to say that a 50 is a good comeback from a really bad spell of form.


      • Tuffers86 Jul 29, 2015 / 5:49 pm

        It was classic Bell. Played nicely, and then gets out to a daft shot. At least it sets up tomorrow.


      • Pontiac Jul 29, 2015 / 6:42 pm

        Well, remember –by definition– if you get out to Lyon you’ve given it away.


  35. Boz Jul 29, 2015 / 5:49 pm

    the next issue now is who will open the batting with Cook. It’s funny that Carberry, Compton, Robson and others were obviously not good enough, Lyth should have been tried in West Indies and suddenly, here we go again – funny that it’s always somebody other than Cook who’s to blame – when the chances are he’s the problem ….. time for Cook who’s average is poor in this series to go ….as said above, all the problems emanate from Cook


  36. Zephirine Jul 29, 2015 / 7:11 pm

    Will somebody explain to me why Cook was ‘ridiculously unlucky’ (comment BTL)? He hit the ball straight to a fielder. The fact that the fielder caught it with his stomach was unusual, but nothing to do with luck, he was right there in the line of the ball. So was Cook ridiculously unlucky that there happened to be a very visible fielder right in the place that he hit the ball towards?


    • hatmallet Jul 29, 2015 / 10:45 pm

      It is unlucky in my opinion. The fielder is there for a bat pad chance, not for the pull. Whenever the pull does come out in that situation, the fielder invariably takes evasive action rather than attempt to catch it.

      Liked by 1 person

  37. paulewart Jul 29, 2015 / 7:13 pm

    I wonder which posters and scribes will make fools of themselves today. Any bets?


  38. OscarDaBosca Jul 29, 2015 / 7:41 pm

    Well I clearly know nothing about cricket. Anderson was excellent today, conditions were perfect and some nice rain breaks allowed the bowlers to stay fresh. Cook maintained an attacking field 3/4 slips plus 1/2 gulleys, mid on mid off and fine leg. Inviting the drive and reaping the rewards.

    Silly shot from Bell but he was so positive he earned it. Lyth played away from his body again, absolutely no need in that situation. Cook dreadfully unlucky 19 times out of 20 it wouldn’t have stuck.

    Great day and great atmosphere in the Etic Hollies stand


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