I feel a a bit melancholy, to be honest. I’ve been out of the UK for the best part of three weeks and will be returning in the morning, weather permitting. I’ve had such a great time out here doing very little that the thought of returning to the office on Thursday fills me with dread.
It also got me thinking. There’s been a hell of a lot going on in those three weeks, those 21 days, and we’ve come a long long way in that time. I thought I’d jot down a few points to tide you over until the next piece (hope Vian can put one up in the next day or so) but also see where we were, and where we now are.
1. Grenada (Act Like You’ve Been There Before) – I left just after victory was secured and the growing clamour was that England had turned the corner and were continuing their form from the India series having got that “awkward first away test of the series” out of the way. Those who sought to belittle us doom-mongers were in full cry, and the reaction was less than pleasant. We had all that “real England fans” codswallop that cheeses me off. I don’t doubt their desire to see England do well and succeed in the long run, so don’t doubt mine. Also, it has to be said, the media went totally overboard, as if this was one of the great England test wins of recent memory. It reeked of what it was, a good win against a team that got into a slide they couldn’t arrest, and in Anderson, they came up against a bowler in a purple patch. Relying on miracles isn’t a long-term route to success.
2. KP (170) – Pietersen had made a flying start against the Universities, but had not set the County Championship ablaze with one half century in four knocks (albeit with two not outs). The anti-KP were as comfortable as they could be, as this was not the form of someone pressing for selection.
3. At last, a century for Cook – A couple of days into my holiday, and outside a massive department store in Mays Landing, NJ, I got the signal that told me that Cook had ended his long wait for a test century. This was his first century in England’s first innings, when the big boy runs are supposedly made, since Kolkata in 2012. His first international ton since a century to set up a run chase against New Zealand at Headingley 23 months ago. Just as Grenada proved England were back, this century, on the back of several more solid knocks, provided those who had waited with the ammunition to fire at those who had been right the last year. Cook was back, and no-one seemed to mind he was out to the last ball of the first day’s play because England looked like they had scored enough on a tricky wicket.
4. Mediocre – Then the West Indies scrambled back, with Blackwood keeping them in range of England’s first innings. I couldn’t watch it so lord knows what the captaincy was like. Then England, on that second evening, collapsed. In a heap. They tell me this middle order is set in stone, and yes, collapses do happen, but that’s a few times now against some of the less threatening attacks in world cricket. Buttler tried to get the score up, but the tail was abject, with Broad’s decline now reaching the almost “feel very sorry for him” stage. Still, it was just under 200 to win, but the WIndies did it. Suddenly a mediocre team had just had a rocket put up their arse (presumably said rocket doesn’t go off in Anitgua or Grenada) and a tag used by the Chairman Elect to describe the WIndies was now the greatest motivational thing ever, in the history of the world. A pity the press weren’t so hot on “outside cricket” eh?
5. Losing Minds – Suddenly, a week after Grenada, it appeared as though the appeals for calm and rational assessment after Grenada went as unheeded after Barbados. People started to just go bonkers. Suddenly a team every press member thought we should beat easily had been galvanised by Colin Graves. This despite the fact that the Australian media and punditry and players give England enough bulletin board material to last decades and it doesn’t seem to matter then. Geoff Boycott lost it with Alastair Cook, and the divine Cooky had a gentle pop at Yorkshireman in an interview – the sort of thing that is called ill-judged, or fanning the flames if someone else does it – and Boycs went nuclear. Aggers and many others in the press were going overboard on “mediocre” and meanwhile in an incredibly dignified and thoroughly professional manner, a man who has had his mental health picked apart for nigh on 18 months retired in a classy, decent way. Oh, and then there was Selfey and Smiffy, waging campaigns against bilious inadequates and social media minorities. But compared to what was coming, this was child’s play.
6. The Curious Case Of The Non-Leak – Peter Moores went to Ireland with a scratch England ODI team, and by the end of the day had been humiliated. This is the ECB. I don’t care how the story got out, someone at the ECB told someone, who told someone, who told someone else. It’s a leak, no matter how you deny it. A leak doesn’t have to come from the ECB directly, but as this was their information, their decision, that it got out in advance of when they wanted it to is their fault. In doing so they humiliated Peter Moores. It was wrong. Horrendously wrong. I was no fan of his appointment, and in test cricket it has to be said, he assimilated Ballance into the team, got Root in a place where he has made hay, brought in Buttler, and tried to get Jordan and Stokes firing. He’d not done an awful job with the test team, but was beyond awful in ODI cricket. Despite the massive workload required of a full-time, across-all-formats coach, Strauss (more of him in a minute) wants one man for the job. Remember when it was KP “alone” who wanted shot of Moores and no-one stood behind him. By his actions, one might judge the craven “leadership” of Strauss back in 2009. Hey, let’s go out there and say Strauss could possibly, even then said “you go ahead KP, I’ll be captain if you fail” to himself. His attitude to Moores was evident in the rapidity of his dismissal. Also, did he leak? So poor Peter Moores had people feeling sorry for him.
7. The Appointment of King, Andrew – After an exhaustive head hunt, which seemed to be of one person after Vaughan said this wasn’t the job he was looking for, the decision to appoint Andrew Strauss as Director, England Cricket was a poorly kept (leaked) secret. He pulled out of commentary for the Moores Debacle game, leaving Nick Knight to spill the beans, and was confirmed as the man for the job in one of those hastily compiled, corporate speak load of old crap we’ve got used to in the past few years. You didn’t need to be Einstein to work out this was bad news for KP. A lot of white noise was created over his educational background and potential political leanings, but you only had to watch how his successful teams won matches. Graft not glamour with individuality contained within a strict structure. With a strong captain this works, to a degree, but only for so long. With one perceived weak captain this is a recipe for disaster. Oh, and he called KP a c*** and had a big feud he would never have picked him for after if he had stayed on. So we knew what was coming. Even if some said that Strauss might surprise us.
8. It’s All About Timing – The Sunday night saw KP in the 30s not out v Leicestershire, who on a pitch that was supposed to resemble a road, had been bowled out in a day upon. 24 hours later, and much glee up and down the Garden State Parkway, and in Atlantic City, KP finished the day 326 not out. Then we found out there was a meeting due that evening with Andrew Strauss and Tom Harrison, ahead of the formal launch of Strauss as Director, England Cricket the following day. Within minutes of that meeting the information leaked, and TMS was saying KP had been told it was all over. Frankly, you know the rest. We’ve done it to death. It’s all about trust. Andrew Strauss cannot trust KP. The ECB cannot trust KP. Senior players, supposedly, cannot trust ECB. Oh, and KP’s lack of trust with the ECB is a sideshow. An organisation that constantly leaked against him, most notably the heinous leaks of 2009, is not relevant. Only KP has to build the trust, no-one else, despite it being no-one to blame. It’s all a load of old nonsense.
9. 355 – The fact is that there are few who could have played that innings, despite some absolute fucking morons trying to – and yes Dominic Cork, you are an absolute fucking moron who should be slung off cricket punditry if that’s the wretched sort of analysis you are coming up with, you absolute cretin – and although he fell two short of Surrey’s all-time record, the statement made Strauss look rather stupid. We’ve debated it for days, and will do for days more. But, in the words of Hal Holbrook in All The President’s Men, Deep Throat could have been talking about KP, rather than Haldeman:
“you’ve got people feeling sorry for him. I didn’t think that was possible.”
Because this was all about a clean slate, giving up the IPL, and making a fist of county cricket. He’d been lied to. People like KP don’t give up £250k on a whim. If he did, it’s rather noble, don’t you think? It sort of smashes the selfish, money-grabbing tosser meme apart? The anti-KP media, while trying (and failing in the main) to be ever so fair, all fell in line. A non-playing suit with an ill-defined role will always be more important than a man capable of what KP did. Because, in the history of county cricket, only five people, is it, have scored more?
10. The Graves Delusion – The press statement issued on Friday was eerily similar to some that had gone before. We had questioned his integrity, and that no guarantees had been offered. We hadn’t really questioned the first, and no-one I know thought the second. The statement showed that in the 15 months since Paul Downton released the infamous “outside cricket” press release, one which raised barely a murmur among our stalwarts in the press at the time (some have woken up, most notably the Editor of Wisden), the ECB have learned nothing. They remain distant, aloof, dismissive, arrogant and supercilious in the extreme. Graves has become the media lightning rod now, and each press man is taking it in turns to line him up now Clarke is out of the way – how tremendously brave of you – either for betraying KP (which he was only a part of) or for opening the whole thing up again “needlessly” which he did, and for which many applauded him for reverting the policy, we thought, to picking on merit.
So, not a lot, eh? I’ll be back on line possibly tomorrow, although I’ll be getting over whatever jet lag I get, or Friday. We’ll have the usual posts up for comments on the game on Thursday, and until then, I’d like to thank all of you for saving me a ton of money by giving me much to read and not going out as often to drink such rot as Miller Lite. It has been a tumultuous 21 days.
Being Outside Cricket 
Dmitri…I love you (in an embarrassed man-hug sort of way… you know what I mean)
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btw, please don’t upset us (me) too much tomorrow, whether it be our ‘leader’ with his speech to the kingdom at 1:20pm tomorrow, or anything else ECB related – I intend to enjoy my birthday! 😉
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What a return to Blighty that will be.
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Oh happy birthday for tomorrow then Dad. I hope you have a fab day. I won’t be watching anything to do with cricket. I’m all cricketed out. Having to read that Puddy bloke comments on DT is enough to put anyone off a packet of salt & vinegar! Certainly won’t be watching that runt Strauss. The thought gives me jip! Instead I will be working in the garden, maybe pre-recording a radio show with Steve and see our local friend to sort out work we need doing on the house. Then watch a damn good murder on tele. Perhaps Midsommer Murders where all members of ECB will be nobbled for being boring, predictable, same old same old, backward looking muppets.
Have a good birthday Dad. My birthday was news about Andrew Strauss/KP and the election. It was a job to keep happy on such a terrible day!!! Best get out and have a beer! Have a great day.
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Aw – thank you my lil or fan Annie! Tell me more about your radio show! X (probably ‘elsewhere’ is a good idea)
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Wishing you a very happy birthday!
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Thank you ‘mystery egg’ Lydia! x
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http://shop.kiaoval.com/products/surrey_ccc_pietersen_hero_t-shirt_2014/21269/view…safe journey old boy
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All KP shirts sold out.
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Strauss bought them all on ECB (our) expense account – so no-one else could wear them…
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Great stuff Dmitri, really enjoyed that read. The images are cracking, did you photoshop them all yourself, or were they from tinternet search? If they are your work, them be some handy skills you possess.
Amongst all of the shenanigans, botches, cock-ups, idiotic remarks etc. etc. from the ECB acolytes over the past year and in particular, in the past few weeks. For me one thing sticks out, they are unintelligent with no clear plan of action. I do not believe the more recent pietersen debacle, appointment of Director, English Cricket or other issues were planned or thought through. I think they were down to pure incompetence and stupidity. I have come to the conclusion that they are cretins, no more, no less, just cretinous buffoons in charge of something they do not understand……..
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That bottom picture of Giles Clarke makes me want to vomit every time I see it. It seems too close to what the village beauty would see just before droit de seigneur is claimed.
Great work and Bon voyage!
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I thought a week would calm me down and I’d regret saying I hated the England team and wished them a 7-zip reversal for the summer.
Nope. Want it even more. Really want MacCullum et al to show this crappy bunch how to play the game. I want Cook floundering and humiliated. I want Strauss booed wherever he goes. And then I want Australia to tear them a collective new one whilst they are still wondering what previously hit them.
I. Want. Revenge.
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There are some mixed messages in the press about when the coach might be appointed. Lawrence Booth has three insider sources saying there’s no hurry and the coach doesn’t need to be in place before the start of the Ashes. Brenkley on the other hand reckons there will be an appointment “soon”.
Strauss really seems boxed into a corner if Gillespie won’t take it. Having given lack of Test experience as the reason for sacking Moores he surely can’t appoint a replacement who didn’t play Tests (which would seem to rule out Robinson, Farbrace and Bayliss)? Moody and Kirsten haven’t ruled themselves out but it would be astonishing if either were interested. Throwing a ridiculous amount of money at Gillespie seems Plan A – and fittingly for this England there doesn’t seem a discernible Plan B (unless it’s…..).
P.S. Loved the article – and especially the great pictures.
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I’ll say it SimonH: Flower 2.0… if Moores can get two cracks at it, then Flower’s in pretty much an unopposed position for a second go. Gillespie would be mad, or an Aussie fifth columnist, to take the gig.
Surprised the press haven’t suggested it. Gets Flower out of an expensive non-job, ECB don’t get snubbed by a proper candidate and, let’s face it, the ECB can’t sink that much lower in the public’s estimation. Might as well get the old band back together [shudders].
Yep, hate is the word.
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Well, I’ll just point out that the last Ashes without either Flower or Fletcher in charge of England was sixteen and a half years ago, and let that thought linger like a potent fart in a Boeing 777.
Welcome back Dmitri.
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Not back yet. Having a beer at Philadelphia Airport!
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What’s Einstein’s definition of insanity again?
They just don’t learn. And Strauss claiming that it was one of the top two jobs in world cricket. Hubris, Andrew, hubris.
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Nice to see you back LCL. How do you do those pictures? I could really use those (innocent fun no harm intended!). Oh and after 3 wks I’m sorry but you’ll have nasty jet lag!
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Not back yet. Having a lovely pint at the airport. The photos come from using a windows app called photofunia.
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Thank you. Enjoy that pint and safe journey.
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Is it me or are we going to get Paul Farbrace as coach, because nobody (literally nobody) else wants the job? (OK, I want the job but I’m less qualified than Farbrace)
This is what it’s come to? The 2nd richest cricket nation on earth, all those Sky millions, and we can’t get a coach?
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I think you’re dead on.
The only way we don’t end up with Farbrace is if Gillespie can negotiate such a huge package that it overrides the need to succeed in the job. Can’t really see it happening myself…
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I put my bet on Farbrace some time ago. Although I also bet that Strauss wouldn’t even talk to Gillespie, and it looks like he will have to do something like that. (Unless he’s gotten so used to leaking that he considers it a legitimate form of communication.)
Gillespie will be weighing up how much money he wants, how much he wants to risk his reputation with an implicit confirmation that he also couldn’t have worked with KP and implicitly backs Strauss’s judgment, and how much he is willing to trust these people. He will have to ask himself is he going to be forced to carry the can for Strauss’s past, present and future mistakes.
And of course, he will be terrified that Graves might call an opponent “mediocre” and it will wind up costing him the series.
Nope, my bet is still on Farbsy — safe, grateful for the promotion, and easy to sack when they need another scapegoat.
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Farbrace reporting to the newly created position Mentor, English Cricket, Andy Flower.
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and yes Dominic Cork, you are an absolute fucking moron who should be slung off cricket punditry if that’s the wretched sort of analysis you are coming up with, you absolute cretin
I suspect you are speaking for a lot of people with that.
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Time to flag up Clive’s piece with Cork’s resume. It’s a corker! Here’s a little nugget.
Character references: “A show pony and a prima donna with an attitude problem…so unpopular with England players on last winter’s tour of New Zealand that they wanted him sent home.” (Geoffrey Boycott). “A big spoiled brat” (David Graveney). ‘A misfit…all too often he becomes the type of character who can be as unpopular with his team-mates as he is with the opposition” (David Lloyd). “You can’t keep acting like a kid. You’ve got to grow up.” (Darren Gough). “…a sad little man who’s always been stupendously jealous of KP’s greater talent.”
And they tell us KP is out of order.
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http://www.theguardian.com/sport/blog/2015/may/19/ted-dexter-england-kevin-pietersen-michael-atherton-jonathan-trott-mike-selvey
Why can’t he write like this more often?
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Hmm…Boycs has let rip, sort of, in the Telegraph…just felt he was reining himself in a bit though..decent read nevertheless!
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There are two Mike Selveys. It’s the only explanation. The other one has a completely different style.
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I expect he has written like this because he knows that KP will never pull on a England shirt again.
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Yes, the elegaic register is quite deliberate. It renders Pietersen inoperative by domesticating him, sealing him off in another country called the past, thus closing down debate. Quite clever really.
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He’s not the only one to do that – twice I’ve pointed out at the G that a KP article read like an obituary. Andy Bull was one and possibly Barney R, I can’t remember. “It was a fine affair but now it’s over” seems to be the line they can live with.
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Might have won me over had he not glossed over Dexter’s idiocies in 1992-93. It was a damn sight more than planets and smog. For instance, how does he expect to mention Gower in a Dexter article without people recalling the inexcusable way the latter treated the former? Dexter may have been a great batsman, but he fully earned every word of ridicule he copped as chairman of selectors.
A relentless churl might even spy a subtext: people he’s on first name terms with can do as they like with maverick, once in a generation talents.
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Also the Dexter dictat that players must be clean-shaven too… that would have sent Cookie crying off to someone
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relentless churls? Us? 🙂
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Yes, it’s funny what slips through the memory hole, isn’t it?
http://static.espncricinfo.com/db/ARCHIVE/1992-93/ENG_IN_SL/DEXTER_DRESS_CODE_11MAR93.html
Selvey used to write something like Martin Johnson. About the ridiculous Dexter. Amazing really…
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Malcolm Devon….
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Yes Arron and the irony of that is that Dexter was a maverick himself. An establishment figure but a decidedly unusual one and certainly no good as chairman of selectors.
I do wonder though how his habit as a fielder of making his boredom obvious in dull passages of play would have gone down these days. He was known to practice the odd golf swing. Now imagine if KP had done that!
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And I’m very glad to see that commenters are now picking up on this bit:
“Now whatever one’s views on Pietersen and his place in the England team (and there really is no grey area on this one, we all know)”
If there was “no grey area”:
– why did Radio Five produce a two-hour podcast last week?
– why are people still debating it on blogs and social media?
– why did I have to answer a different question to the one Agnew asked at last Thursday’s event, just to ensure the “grey area” of availability if not selection was represented in some way?
– why did the man himself have to write a fierce column and several tweets to make it clear that he never expected any guarantees?
– why are people still asking relevant questions about *who* is responsible for the lack of “trust”, and the extent of this feeling among players and new administrators?
As JamesSilkDavey and maxfisher have pointed out, using Pietersen in this article is just another way for Selvey to try and close down debate. It won’t work.
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No grey area? So it’s clear he was sacked again, not merely “not selectable for now”.
Re. Dexter, I’m too young to have seen him bat, but well old enough to remember him in an Ashes series in the late 70s (I think) repeatedly call Len Pascoe a chucker. Already at the age of ten I thought he was a complete nutter.
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Dmitri, I dread to think what’s going to happen next time you go on holiday.
Hope the ECB didn’t spoil it too much for you, not to mention Mrs Dmitri who might have thought a rest from cricket was at last on the cards…..
The dog will be pleased to see you back!
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Welcome back Dmitri, if you make it out of the bar in Philly.
Really looking forward to the first test, the comments here have been bloody marvellous.
I think it might be a bit close in the next few weeks, this is the England team at home and they`re not that bad, but I would really like the BCs to do well. I think they are playing modern cricket with good management and making the best of substantially fewer resources than us.
Thats always appealing, bring it on.
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Reading Berry on DT, I can’t make up my mind on whether he is being cynical, sarcastic, being charitable or may be all at the same time. There is acknowledgement of the KP situation being handled poorly, and yet, he considers Cook to be the beacon of hope.
Or may be he’s still deluded… I can’t quite make up my mind as i said earlier…
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I think he is being pragmatic. Cook is the current captain after all. But the subtext speaks about the lurking threats to his captaincy.
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Pussy-footing drivel from Agnew on BBC cricket web – I won’t post link – nothing worth reading – move on!
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Happy birthday.
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Pusillanimous even?
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thank you sweethearts… I just can’t wait for Sheep to crown my day with his 1:20pm speech to the nation…
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Agnew on lyth
“Importantly, he has earned his chance, which is what international call-ups are about.”
So did rashid & he wasn’t given much chance…
What about plunketts chance…
How about KP earning the possibility of being selected with 500 odd runs so far this season…
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Deluded and hopelessly wishful. “Nothing less than a new lease of career”??? No mention of the disputed catch in Barbados, no mention of his absurd luck in making several of his recent Test scores, no reference to his record against stronger sides, compared to the teams he scored these 50s and 100 against. But oh yes, we get a mention of 2010/11, when his record against Australia AT HOME is truly appalling, even against weaker attacks than this one.
Never forget that Berry wanted Cook to captain England at the 2015 World Cup because it represented forward planning, as he also advocated Cook being in situ for the home World Cup in 2019. If that’s not partiality bordering on lovesick madness, I don’t know what is.
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I see Alec Swann have a go at social media in his piece on KP in the Cricketer. I’ll review more later. He knows why he was sacked. ….
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He’ll be found out this summer.
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Alec Swann – the man who doesn’t think Kevin Pietersen is one of England’s best *five* batsmen of the last 20 years.
File under “disregard”.
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Inside Cricket hath spoken:
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I noticed that the two who spoke out (with extraordinary caution and careful arrangement of the gaps between the lines) were two who’d lost the vice- and T20. captaincy respectively. That means either that Bell and Broad are anti-establishment maverick loose cannons, or that the others still have interests and hopes that are not worth risking.
The big difference between social media and MSM is that when a tiny minority makes a lot of noise on social media they get it thrown back in their face by the 90% who disagree with them — unlike the good old days when they could chirp from on high in the MSM and pretend to represent the silent majority.
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I’ve been asked by TheCricketer, following on from tweets/convo I sent to them – (basically RIP the mag) to put forward some constructive criticism to them – I’ve plenty to say, but if anyone wants to contribute, please do – if not here then send to mojonathan73@gmail.com I’ll be putting together my response over the weekend – thanks
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constructive?
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I’m sure you’ve got this already, but the Peter Moores editorial was a *spectacular* misjudgement. Even as an interregnum measure, it was an insulting joke to long-standing readers who expect something more than an ECB house journal.
And any magazine that retains the services of Michael Henderson while dispensing with Andrew Miller needs burning.
I kept reading (somehow) even during Lord Marland’s mercifully brief “Tory propaganda” phase. But ECB/Cook propaganda is just too much to stomach.
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Are you able to tell them, in a constructive manner of course, how their writers and the articles that they write are viewed with complete and utter contempt by a large number of cricket followers, due to their pro-ECB/Cook/Flower/Strauss/Giles Clarke line?
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And thus, the thrust of my trust shall be, trussed up ever so constructively…
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Happy birthday Bogfather. Welcome back Dmitri.
Don’t read the Cricketer, so not much help. From what I’ve seen quoted, I feel they could do better by ignoring what the MSM do and focus on other stuff. I’d love to see more about women’s cricket, what’s going on with Asian teams in leagues, features about cricket grounds and their facilities, a search for a new great spin bowler and indeed a new quickie and stay clear of the KP issue.
Could be they already cover this stuff but I’m trying to be constructive with stuff I don’t usually get to read about.
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Do “pro” and “contra” pieces on any controversial matter to enable debate and non-bia
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http://www.theguardian.com/sport/2015/may/19/the-spin-england-fast-bowling-james-harris#comment-52442907
Hope George Dobell never sees this comment, or he’ll retire on the spot!
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my ‘pre-mod’ reply to the btl Dobell comment…
So, from your sanctuary, you bray like a donkey… ‘a la recherche du temps perdu’
whilst with nothing to say with any insightful array…
rhubarb to your celery, let’s play…
‘compte à rebours pour vous’
😉
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Fixed that now.
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My browser won’t find the comment. Wanna say who it’s from & a key word, maybe? (Apologies to hosts if such things are inappropriate here.)
P.S. Happy birthday TBF!
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Dvyk, MD saying he’d researched Dobell and didn’t think he was worth his salary.
Have to say that apart from that one, I thought most of Daniels’s comments were fair enough on this occasion. Same with the biomechanics guy who commented – it is their job and they’re entitled to defend fellow professionals and basically to tell us we don’t know what we’re talking about. Though colesla and quebecer are also in the same business but more, shall we say, aware of the failings.
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Ladies and gentlemen, may I please remind you all to stand and salute (or whatever hand signal you feel is appropriate…) when our glorious captainsheep addresses the nation at 1:20 pm BST this afternoon…. thank you 🙂
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Oh god, is he going to speak? So much better when he doesn’t.
Happy birthday, Bogfather!
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I think the Marlon Samuels ‘salute’ to Stokes will do just fine thank you, and will indeed do that in a few minutes!
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thanks for all your best wishes – off to pub now to avoid The Sheeps Speech 😉
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Cook: “There was no ultimatum on KP, I don’t know where that came from. Over 15 months, the story hasn’t gone away. The decision was made without the players, we just have to play. The players weren’t consulted on Pietersen.
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So someone (or everyone) is telling porkies
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