A temporary post. Anyone with suggestions for an updated glossary, please put them below. If you’d like to add a definition, then go ahead. Try to avoid being libellous. This lot are funny when we stick to the published facts!
I’ll be working on that during the day as some light relief.
C’mon Jason Roy!
Being Outside Cricket 
Trust – a fund that keeps the recipient in red trousers and pays the Waitrose bill.
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May be more than one definition of that!
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analyst
1. a person who analyses or is skilled in analysis, emphasis on the anal, the ability to selectively stat-mine to seemingly push a personal vendetta.
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I’ve noticed there’s a chap calling himself THE analyst. Clearly having a big ego is acceptable in the MSM. For what it’s worth, I think he’s a pillock
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Cnut – any ECB employee who c’nut be trussed’d with the truth…
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Just a comment on an entry in the glossary:
“Cooky, Farby and Mooresy – The future of English Cricket.”
Sadly the future has been suspended in time. Alright, let’s try again.
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Entrepreneur. You are going to hear that said quite a lot in the same sentence as Strauss. Check out my piece below about his business skills.
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FICJAM is already in, right?
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No doubt. It will be in.
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Oh, and add any or all of dauphin, Pitt the Younger, boy king, Violet Elizabeth Bott, etc etc.
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Doing a Selvey: coming on to the County Cricket blog, when one is not an ATL contributor, just to bitch about a (different) headline and a (different) story in one’s own paper, and to try and malevolently spread one’s own one-eyed agenda about the KP story. Probably because one is too isolated, mistrusted, ridiculed and frankly too chicken to do it on your own article, or indeed anywhere on topic.
Honestly, are there any depths that twat won’t sink to?
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*shoots off to county blog*
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Seepage – how stories that have not been officially announced but not leaked (see ‘leaks’) find their way into newspapers (see ‘good journalism’). A condition experienced by both the ECB and sceptic tanks.
Plans – nobody ‘outside cricket’ knows what they are but Pietersen, Kevin is not in them.
Mediocre – a word so powerful it can cause the dead to rise, the lame to walk and England to fail to win a Test series. Use by Graves, Colin to describe West Indies’ side ranked 8th in world and containing Devon Smith and Shannon Gabriel rather than Viv Richards and Malcolm Marshall whipped the MSM into a frenzy of indignation. Graves expected to call England ‘mediocre’ before every series and automatic wins for Cooky and the boys to follow.
Walters, Mike – one of the very few reasons to have any remaining faith in the MSM.
Smith, Ed – former Kent, Middlesex and (two cap) England batsman and now writer and radio commentator. Lived in New York but doesn’t like to mention it. Writing style alternates between swallowed-a-thesaurus self-importance and setting fire to straw-men of his own creating. Memorably described by Zephirine as less of a writer and more of a Power Point presentation.
Send-offs – seen by James, Steve as the “most cowardly” act in cricket. Send-off by Samuels, Marlon of Stokes, Ben in the form of a salute seen by Henderson, Michael as heralding the end of western civilisation and a return to barbarism. Use by Anderson, Jimmy not usually seen by the British MSM as anything to get too worked up about except by overpaid and overly sniffy Indians.
Yorker – ineffective and old-fashioned type of delivery no longer required of English bowlers (see Saker, David).
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Errrrrr, that should have been ‘septic tank’, obviously.
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Pitt the Younger for Cooky is flicking brilliant.
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C— : someone who wins you the Ashes, entertains the masses with utter brilliance, courage, personal charm, honesty, charisma, professionalism, dedication to the sport, humility and sincerity even wins over the Aussies as fans. Next to Richie Benaud probably the most loved and respected cricketer in both continents. (NB Not Cook.)
(Is there another English cricketer who is as loved, respected and feared in Australia as KP? Loved, of course, only due to the way he’s been treated and the strength of character he’s since shown.)
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Just looked through the old Glossary, few updates required.
Missing
Colin Graves
Moeen Ali
Steven Finn
Eoin Morgan
World Cup
IPL
5 Year Plan
Advisory Role
Geoff Boycott
Leicester CCC
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Moeen is in there. I’m keeping a lot of the old ones. It’s a big job. Keep looking at it.
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#Strausslogic
A manner of reasoning so tortuous that it inspired one of the most respected, cultured and intelligent practitioners of the game to join a internet meme
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“Planning for the future” – Expecting to lose the next Test match.
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“Building for the future” – Expecting to lose the next Test series.
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“Preparing for 2019” – Expecting to lose more or less everything for the next 2 – 3 years
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Stability — a state achieved by sacking the best player (twice), the coach (twice), the vice captain (without reason), the T20 captain and the director of cricket, while retaining a failed test captain and a failed ODI captain, and proclaiming your ambition is to lose.
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Trust (lack of) – I don’t like you (any more) and neither do those who tell me how to do my job
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World class – a cricketer who plays for Australia, India, S Africa or New Zealand
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Outstanding – does whatever his CEO or Andy Flower tells him
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Mediocre – Not England, under Cook, Alastair, and Strauss, Andrew. See results.
Results – Poor measure of team ethos and togetherness. Also see Core Values.
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Mediocre was put up earlier. Are you folks not reading my work?
Bloody Vian….
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Sorry missed it.
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Loughborough – home of the national performance center specialising in the destruction of pace bowlers and mystery spinners. Home to men in blazers with clipboards and the seat of Flower, Andy. The money spent on it Dobell, George has said would have been better spent on a donkey sanctuary in Norfolk. Also unaffectionately known as Bluffborough.
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In.
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link to the old glossary?
Gary Ballance definition required ASAP, if not already there…
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ECB – abbr – England and Waitrose, C*nt Bunch.
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Martin, Ali – new addition to Guardian cricket desk and generally considered to have played a blinder following a brief to break new stories quickly. Not so popular with self-appointed arbiter of Guardian cricket-writing who expects prose somewhere between Neville Cardus and Ernest Hemingway. Has been known to visit these parts and engage with the riff-raff (see inadequates, bilious and ignoramuses, vile).
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Admin (noun) – indeterminate collective of un-named staff with final veto on matters of stationary ordering, tea kitty, filing system and player selection. Have trust issues. Do not cross
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Or as Ticker just said…
Admin, Staff – See Flower, Andy
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The final item of the dossier contains the killer information that “KP only put in for tea bags, but sometimes he had it milky”
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Headhunters, a undisclosed firm of brilliant minds paid an undisclossed sum of money to perform dillengence, due so as to shortlist candidates who best fit an undisclosed job description. Irrespective of the dillengence applied to the undisclosed task the result will be the appointment for undisclosed reasons of the person most likely to generate fully disclosed bile amongst inadequates, the and least likely to do perform with aplomb. See Strauss, Andrew, Downton, Paul and Moores, Peter.
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Pringle, Derrick, sage of the English game; currently unemployed and so well placed to take over from Whittaker, James
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Kevined… *verb*,,, ( after Kevin Pietersen) … to be shafted as a process in full public view.
*related to * . Kepplered. . to go slow.. as in ‘ I was kepplering down the freeway and …….’
( after slow batsman, Keppler Wessels)
*closely related to* Chappelled…….. to be bowled underarm at, at the point of winning. … as in ‘ Just as the ferry pulled in I was just bloody chappelled by that ticket inspector!:’
(after Trevor Chappell)
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Slate, Clean – A miraculous artifact that actually means the exact opposite of its name. Capable of significantly damaging a person’s professional integrity before they have even taken office. Also prone to sudden evaporation syndrome when subjected to the slightest of pressure.
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I read the whole glossary last night, and I don’t think I saw “Tyers Tweet Tendency”.
(There’s a perfect, state-of-the-art, illustrative example on ‘A Matter of Life and Trust’…not that you need another, obviously)
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A vital item, whether separate or in addition to Swann, Graeme or Lovejoy – must be the £20 (they may have moved onwards and upwards) tickets! – and definitely the Tyers tweet as Arron noted
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Churl, relentless – fan, cricket (see also ‘bilious inadequates’, ‘vile ignoramuses’ and ‘zealots’ (social media)).
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