OK. I’ve trailed this for a while, but here we are, before the Ashes, and we need to get this out of the way. Well, at least I do.
You have three options with this poll.
- Answer it in the comments below
- Answer in an e-mail to dmitriold@hotmail.co.uk
- Ignore it. Most of you do!
I will also repeat the request to be a member of the Ashes Panel. I have three or four volunteers so far! In 2015 we had 15! Declining interest I suppose 😦 – Let me know and I’ll get the questions to you this weekend.
OK. So the key questions to answer.
- The next appointee to Mount Cricketmore – a Mount Rushmore for those who have contributed the most to our anger and disappointment in the world of cricket in the recent past. The 2016 enshrinee into our particular Hall of Shame was, by almost unanimous demand, Giles Clarke. You are NOT allowed to vote for him again.
- Your cricket journalist of the year – as in the best journo since our last poll.
- Worst cricket journalist of the year – always competitive, the winner can be anyone who has reported on cricket in the past year. I have noted that some might vote for Matthew Syed, but I would probably need to disqualify him as he’s an all round idiot, rather than one who has reported on cricket.
- Worst cricket commentator of the year.
- Best cricket commentator of the year.
- England innings of the year.
- International innings of the year.
- This media person needs to be seen more……
- Most memorable moment.
- England cricketer of the year
- International cricketer of the year
- Finish off this statement. The main thing wrong with cricket on social media is……
And here are some general Ashes questions for you to answer.
- Who wins, and what will be the series score?
- How many centuries will England make?
- How many runs do you think (a) Cook and (b) Root will make?
- England’s top wicket-taker
All a bit of fun, so take as much or as little time as you want. The results will be published around Christmas, and some will be used to inform, though not necessarily compel me to include, in this year’s Dmitris.
Fire away!
Being Outside Cricket 
The next appointee to Mount Cricketmore – a Mount Rushmore for those who have contributed the most to our anger and disappointment in the world of cricket in the recent past. The 2016 enshrinee into our particular Hall of Shame was, by almost unanimous demand, Giles Clarke. You are NOT allowed to vote for him again –
Your cricket journalist of the year – as in the best journo since our last poll. Matthew Engel.
Worst cricket journalist of the year – always competitive, the winner can be anyone who has reported on cricket in the past year. I have noted that some might vote for Matthew Syed, but I would probably need to disqualify him as he’s an all round idiot, rather than one who has reported on cricket – I’ve really taken a dislike to The Spin recently. I can’t be bothered with it. Andy Bull.
Worst cricket commentator of the year – Michael Slater. Pretty sure you could retire the award in his name.
Best cricket commentator of the year – Athers, as usual, keeps to his high standard. The foreign guest commentators are preferable on the whole.
England innings of the year – Root’s 190 vs South Africa – England were in the shit early, it was against a decent attack, and I’m struggling otherwise.
International innings of the year – Shai “the aptly named” Hope – 118, Headingley
This media person needs to be seen more……Ian Ward
Most memorable moment – Stokes’ epic knock in Bristol.
England cricketer of the year – A great summer for Anderson and Root. Root shades it because he was captain.
International cricketer of the year – It’s a bit unfair, as New Zealand don’t play a lot of Test matches, so Kane Williamson’s 3 tons in 7 knocks might not get much mention. I’ll plump for Dean Elgar, who has 5 tons this year, and, without offending, likely won’t ever get mentioned in this sort of poll again.
Finish off this statement. The main thing wrong with cricket on social media is…… Vaughan.
And here are some general Ashes questions for you to answer.
Who wins, and what will be the series score? Australia, 4-1
How many centuries will England make? 4 (Root, Bairstow, Ali)
How many runs do you think (a) Cook and (b) Root will make? a) 225 b) 380
England’s top wicket-taker – Anderson
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Eurgh. I forgot the first question. It’s because I was thinking about it. I’ll go with Strauss.
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I volunteer for the panel if you want a bit of controversy
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Worst commentator of the year? Every single person on TMS. They are either objectionable, nice but dim, irrelevant, uninterested in the cricket, unable to tell you the score, who’s bowling to whom etc, repetitious, so biased to their team that it becomes tedious, lacking in knowledge, so biased to players in whom they have a financial interest that their views are worthless. I’d prefer it if they did not talk and you just got an automatic system telling you the key details
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Other than that, no problem?
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Best journalist – David Hopps, the only one writing whom I look forward to reading because he is not trying to ram an agenda down my throat
Worst journalist – George Dobell. He has become part of the pod
Best commentator – Shaun Pollock, at least he spoke with a degree of objectivity
I don’t think I can answer any of the others because of the libel laws
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1- Mount Cricketmore: Tough decision. Rahul Johri and Vinod Rai are my ultimate nominees (respectively CEO and president of the BCCI) for their organisation’s continuing bull headed resistance not only to rule of law but anti-doping measures.
Honourable mention- AB de Villiers, for giving the appearance that the international schedule is their for his benefit. Ultimately decided that it would be a little unfair as he is just one man.
2- Cricket Journalist of the Year: Tim Wigmore, as writer of both the best and worst aspects of the sport itself, and the underlining politics.
Honourable mention- Jonathan Liew for actually having the affrontery to talk about white, male privilege in the Torygraph in his piece on Henry Blofeld.
3- Worst Cricket Journalist: Andy Bull edges it for me. As a sports writer he’s perfectly fine, but in a paper that’s recently published 2 big exposé on tax avoidance he should really be doing better.
Honourable mention- Pick any Daily Mail journalist at random.
4- Worst Cricket Commentator of the Year: Geoff Boycott. Another close run thing and less because he’s a stereotype of himself and the concept of Yorkshireness, and rather more to do with his utterly tasteless comments on race and why that may contribute to the fact that he hasn’t got a knighthood. Geoff, here’s a clue for you, you have a conviction for domestic violence.
Honourable mention- Ed Smith, God’s gift to the art of never telling anybody the actual score.
5- Best Cricket Commentator: Nakul Pande of Guerilla Cricket (and, yes I know I’m biased). One of the smoothest commentators I’ve ever met.
Honourable mention- Charles Dagnall. Probably the best of the current crop of the TMS crew doing the ball-by-ball.
6- England Innings of the Year: From a fairly wide field, I’m probably going to go for Joe Root’s 190 at Lord’s v South Africa back in July. In a low scoring series, he put England’s nose ahead.
Honourable mentions- Moeen Ali’s 53 ball hundred in Bristol was riotous fun, even if everything that happened right afterwards rather put a pall on things. Cook’s massive daddy hundred under lights in Edgbaston is also up there for being about as Alastair Cook as a batting experience can be.
7- International Innings of the Year: Shai Hope’s twin centuries at Headingley, proving that the West Indies are not yet a spent force and that maybe the future one day can be maroon.
Honourable mentions- Younis Khan’s 175 at Sydney put him in a class of 1- the only player to score a test ton in all 11 test hosting territories. Ellyse Perry’s 213 v England, making the perfect case for why women’s tests should:-
a) be 5 days long &
b) be played more than every other year
8-This media person needs to be seen more: Andy Zaltzman. Anyone can score a cricket match badly. Scoring them well takes concentration, hard work and no small amount of obsession. Scoring them well, while abusing Statsguru and making jokes the whole time is the work of a smallish deity.
Honourable mention- Ebony Rainford-Brent. For the most South London accent ever to be wielded by someone with that posh a name. (Also for breaking up the pale, stale and male migraine inducer that is TMS).
9- Moment of the Year: Anya Shrubsole bowling England to victory in the final of the Women’s World Cup. India didn’t choke, they were mugged by an English team that played the kind of hard graft that their male counterparts often lacked on non-flat pitches.
Honourable mentions- Pakistan beating India in the final of the Champion’s Trophy. They proved you don’t need to score 400 runs to win a major tournament, you do however need to be have faith that your bowlers can back up whatever you do put on the board. Bangladesh stealing a march on New Zealand and Australia to reach the Champions Trophy semis. I was at Edgbaston for the final group game against the Aussies, and I’ve never seen so many supporters of a country other than England to be thrilled by the prospect of an English win.
10- England Cricketer of the year: Anya Shrubsole. See above.
Honourable mention- Ben Stokes would normally be expected to run away with this one. He finally proved himself to be turning into the player he had always threatened to be in all formats of the game. Then it all went awry one late evening outside a Bristolian student bar.
11- International Player of the Year: Shai Hope. Again, see above.
Honourable mention- Ellyse Perry (for 213* in her first test since 2015).
12- The main thing wrong with cricket on social media is its inability to make space for context, nuance and plain common sense. For example, see all the bullshit and hot air expended over Moeen’s poppy (or lack thereof), and ask yourself “did we really need to see so many tweets from idiot trolls like Fred Boycott on Twitter?”
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1) Mount Cricmore – Peever for the Australian pay dispute. If they have to be English, then Simon Hughes – does any other sport have its in-house magazine edited by someone who wants the sport effectively abolished?
2) Cricket journo of the year – Tim Wigmore again (although his support for four day Tests is a minus). His analysis of global T20 was the best single English piece I’ve read all year along with Liew’s demolition of the horrendous Blofeld myth. Best piece by anyone was Geoff Lemon’s majestic review of the Australian pay dispute.
3) Worst journo – Hughes just pips Ed Smith. Selvey would win if he wasn’t so terrible nobody much will employ him. Worst single article of the year was James Fitzpatrick’s ridiculously bilious piece on the death of Bob Woolmer.
4) Worst commentator – I watch it all with the sound turned down now. Let’s say. oh…. Lovejoy. In Australia, Taylor and Slater for their roles in the pay dispute.
5) Best commentator – Atherton, for the lack of anyone else.
6) Best England innings – Root’s 190 I suppose.
7) Best international innings – I’m going to limit this to ones I saw and go with Warner’s back-to-back centuries in Bangladesh. Asad Shafiq in Brisbane a close second.
8) This media person needs to be seen more – can’t think of one in England. I wish some of the excellent Aussie cricket journos (Haigh, Brettig, Jackson, Lemon) would take up commentating.
9) Most memorable moment – nothing much.
10) England COTY – Anderson I guess.
11) & 12) Can’t beat Miami Dad’s 6’s answers!!
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Have you tried White Line Wireless commentary? Worth a listen, however they only commentate on Australian matches that ABC Grandstand doesn’t cover. Geoff Lemon has done a bit of commentary there (and completely agree with you on his pay dispute review!), along with quite a few other names I think you’d like.
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An Australian perspective:
1. The next appointee to Mount Cricketmore – David Peever. An ex-mining executive with a history of union busting became head of Cricket Australia. You know what happened next.
2. Your cricket journalist of the year – Gideon Haigh. He would win this award every year if it was up to me. He doesn’t write that many articles, but there isn’t anyone more knowledgeable or articulate. His coverage of the lockout was right on the money.
3. Worst cricket journalist of the year – He’s not the worst, but the one who has fallen the furthest. Dobell is a depressing grump these days, and his defence of Stokes’ punch left me puzzled.
4. Worst cricket commentator of the year – James Brayshaw left channel 9, leaving it wide open. I know he is more of a pundit than a commentator, but Graeme Swann… ugh.
5. Best cricket commentator of the year – he is not a natural behind the mic, but for actually trying to talk about cricket rather than make terrible banter, Michael Clarke improved the Australian commentary team immeasurably.
6. England innings of the year. Joe Root’s 190 in his captaincy debut was pretty impressive. Here’s to none of those in the Ashes.
7. International innings of the year. Steve Smith second innings, first test vs India. A matchwinning innings in sweltering conditions on a crumbling pitch in a low scoring game. Not without luck, but it was one of the best captain’s knocks you could hope to see.
8. This media person needs to be seen more. Dennis Freedman. Well, he trades off being not in the mainstream, but it would be fun to see how he would do with a wider audience. I don’t agree with half of what he says, but always honest and entertaining.
9. Most memorable moment: West Indies coming back after everyone had written their obituary. Honorable mention for Kohli leaving straight ones from O’Keefe and Lyon and being outscored by Mitch Marsh in the series.
10. England cricketer of the year – Jimmy Anderson. I was ready to write him off – 35 years old and some injuries starting to creep in. but that was an extremely impressive summer from him. Not expecting the same from him in Australia, but I wont put it past him.
11. International cricketer of the year – Nathan Lyon. After going 60 or so overs without a wicket at one point late in 2016 and almost getting dropped, he came back to life with a great second half of the summer, and excellent tours of India and Bangladesh. The cry of “NIIICE GAARRRYYY” became a mainstream meme, a celebrated event, annoyed KP in the commentary box, and united the Australian cricketing public in a time of need.
12. Finish off this statement. The main thing wrong with cricket on social media is – the typical Indian facebook commenter.
1. Who wins, and what will be the series score? Australia 5-0.
2. How many centuries will England make? 3
3. How many runs do you think (a) Cook and (b) Root will make? 243 and 437
4. England’s top wicket-taker? Woakes
Do you have an Australian for your panel yet?
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No. But would love one. I’ll email the questions at the end of the week….
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Get Fred. He’ll be terrible and I’ll be able to laugh at him. Might be my only Ashes highlight.
Actually, don’t. Annoyingly, he might end up being right on one or two things and that will make it all worse.
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All I can predict is what’s going to happen to the wheels of English cricket. It’s started already.
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My deepest fear.
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1 39. This man in a menace. The fact he put himself on a list of the most influential people in cricket says it all. But maybe he can justify his position? The slightly bizzare photographs of him with Prince Philip opening something new again at Lords looks like something out of a Monty python sketch. But why was he there? And his shrilling for the new 20/20, and his criticism for anyone who does not get on board with the new project strikes me as suspicious. Does he have shares in this new venture? Or some financial interest?
2 I read virtually no cricket journalism these days. (Which tells you everything about how far cricket has fallen) So may of them have gone since the ashes 4 years ago. (Thank goodness) But I will give it to Michael Atherton. Unfortunately he is hidden behind a pay wall at the Times. A waste of a good talent.
3 So many of the them have been booted out. Instead we now get this new type of jack of all trades, master of none. Jokers like Syed, and Smith. I will give it to one of these idiot roving reporters…..Mr Ollie Holt……for his despicable hit piece on Eoin Morgan. He even flew in like Tom Cruise in Top Gun to deliver his pathetic journalistic assassination. The fact Morgan is still in Situ shows what a complete waste of time the whole shabby exercise was.
4 The bar is high on this one. Nasser and Bumble’s fawning interview of Chris Gayle is right up there. Nasser’s 20/20 final day studio interview with a team mascot that looked like a giant hamster deserves a special place in hell. The double barrelled named woman on TMS wins a special prize for…….”why are you allowed on the air for no other reason than making up the politically correct quotas for female gender politics?” David Gower for being the worst front man in sports broadcasting. But my winner is Lovejoy. I have to turn off the car radio when he is on because I want to smash my fist into the dashboard.
5 Mike Atherton
6 Alastair Cooks effort in the second test against SA. Nothing special , but in this age of endless 20/20, and the moronic obsession with scoring rates it was nice to see a top batsman grind it out, and set up a match winning team innings. In addition, I feel I should once in a while give the old sheep some praise.
7 Not bothered.
8 It seems they let anyone on the airways these days. Any drunk wandering the streets is invited on to share their views of any particular topic of interest at the time. So pretty much everybody can have a go.
9 Alastair Cook resigning as England captaincy. If for no other reason than finally…. four years too late…..he took responsibility for his uselessness as a test captain.
10 Bairstow
11 Probably the Indian captain.
12 The main thing wrong with cricket on social media is…..too many tossers.
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12 I forgot to give a mention to the the revamping of Cricinfo. It’s still a frigging abortion of a site. Change for change sake…. that makes things worse. . Well done Espan. You managed to screw that up like your constant social juctice clap trap that has ruined your sports coverage in the US.
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The next appointee to Mount Cricketmore – As I assume you can’t fit all 18 county chairmen on a mountain, I’ll go with Tom Harrison
Your cricket journalist of the year – Dobell, obvs.
Worst cricket journalist of the year – I don’t seek out bad journalism, so I don’t know. Engels?
Worst cricket commentator of the year. Henry Blofeld. Yeah, I said it.
Best cricket commentator of the year. Andy Zaltzman, or if he doesn’t count Dan Norcross
England innings of the year. Anya Shrubsole 6/46 in World Cup final
International innings of the year. Hasan Ali vs England in the Champions Trophy. Amir’s final was arguably better, but screw that guy.
This media person needs to be seen more…… Andy Zaltzman
Most memorable moment. England winning the Women’s World Cup, or Ben Stokes punching someone
England cricketer of the year Jimmy Anderson? Current 2017 bowling average of 14.10, although the greatest test is to come.
International cricketer of the year No idea, looking at Statsguru maybe Pujara? Averaging 70.91 so far this year…
Finish off this statement. The main thing wrong with cricket on social media is……Politics. There are so many people on cricket Twitter I don’t follow because a majority of their output is now devoted to Trump, Corbyn and/or Brexit.
And here are some general Ashes questions for you to answer.
Who wins, and what will be the series score? Australia 5-0 (or 0-5, as I assume they would say)
How many centuries will England make? 5
How many runs do you think (a) Cook and (b) Root will make? a) 240 b) 430
England’s top wicket-taker Chris Woakes
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Finally, somebody willing to speak sense on the topic of Andy Zaltzman
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I know it’s all for fun, and that’s why I can’t write my Ashes predictions. They will be anti-fun, and I’m afraid if my anti-fun is next to fun, there will be a cataclysm of some sort. That’s not me, that’s physics.
But, I will say that Australia will win, that Cook will struggle badly, that I really hope Root manages OK (I’m worried he won’t), that Overton was a bad pick, and Woakes won’t be our saviour.
See? That’s me trying. Debbie fucking downer up here on the tundra.
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Is it too late to change?…
http://www.espncricinfo.com/story/_/id/21429253/test-cricket-value-plummeting-james-sutherland
So they want more bowler-friendly pitches out of sympathy for the poor bloody bowlers and not to bring in four-day Tests, do they? Pull the other one. If anyone can come up with more bowler-friendly pitches that doesn’t equate with more matches decided by the toss and then more declining interest then good luck to them – but they haven’t managed it yet.
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http://www.heraldsun.com.au/sport/cricket/australia-to-sack-matt-renshaw-and-callup-wicketkeeper-tim-paine-for-first-ashes-test/news-story/5e6a184244e7729bd64c5956c417fdc1
I don’t know how good these sources are, but News Corp is reporting:
Bancroft in for Renshaw
S. Marsh in for Maxwell
Paine in for Wade
Bancroft is in red-hot form, but very harsh on Renshaw to get dropped after the way he started in test cricket. However, he is really struggling in the Shield, especially against bowlers coming around the wicket and angling it in at him.
Paine hasn’t got a century in 11 years, isn’t the keeper he was after serious finger injuries and isn’t getting picked ahead of Wade for Tasmania. Scored a 50 in the tour match and a 70* as a specialist batsman today.
Maxwell demonstrated an ability to grind an innings in India and has never got a go in Australia. Shaun Marsh… who knows what you’re gonna get from him. Could be twin centuries, could be a pair. Has 3 50s in 3 Shield matches this season.
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The next appointee to Mount Cricketmore –
#39 mainly for the “Inside Cricket” podcast and for wanting to pretty much abolish tests
Your cricket journalist of the year – as in the best journo since our last poll.
I really enjoy reading Vitushan Ethanarajah county reports in the summer so a vote for him from me
Worst cricket journalist of the year
#39
Worst cricket commentator of the year.
Vaughan mainly for who he is as you so well put in your recent post on BOC
Best cricket commentator of the year.
From Guerilla Cricket/Talksport2 Nigel Henderson just sounds so at home in front of the mic and gets my vote
England innings of the year.
I really enjoyed Moeen Ali 75* at OT vs SA to help seal the SA series.
International innings of the year.
Fakhar Zaman 114 vs India in the CT final, Gave Pakistan the platform for the bowlers to complete the job
This media person needs to be seen more…
Another vote for Zaltzman here
…
Most memorable moment.
Personal but I got to commentate on BBC Solent for the first time and maybe only time in the Hampshire v Lancashire championship game
England cricketer of the year
Moeen Ali really underlined just how valuable he is this year and thrilled on many occasions with the bat.
International cricketer of the year
Shai Hope
Finish off this statement. The main thing wrong with cricket on social media is……
People think that the more followers they have the more important what they have to say is.
Put me down for the panel please.
Thanks
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I should add that my answer to question 7 – international performance of the year has to be Karun Nair’s 303 not out at Chennai against an attack that included 2, possibly 3, of the bowlers who will play in the Ashes. It was a clinical dismantling of everything that this England team had tried to put together since the whitewash down-under.
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There was a time when to score 300 in a test match innings was a guarantee of greatness… Bradman, Hammond, Sobers, Hanif…. Then scales lifted… Edrich, Cowper. Gooch, the guy who can’t play medium paced in swing. The quality is falling. IVA didn’t get one and nor did Cook. But Gayle! WTF?
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“…nor did Cook.”
Why the past tense? Plenty more runs in ol’ Chef yet, mark my words (at 32 he’s barely even got started). You know it wouldn’t surprise me in the least if he reached that triple hundred milestone (not a personal goal, you understand, but a supreme effort from the ultimate team player) in the upcoming Ashes series. After all, he’s always done so well against the old foe.
(I feel a bit odd. Must make a GP appointment – I’ve a feeling these tablets aren’t really working…)
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1) Tom Harrison. Knows the price of everything, the value of nothing.
2) Tim Wigmore, honourable mention for Rob Smyth.
3) #39 just edging out FICJAM
4) Has to be Graeme Swann. He really has been excruciating this summer. if he fancies himself as an impressionist/comedian why doesn’t he sod off and do a stint on the stand-up circuit.
5) Mike Atherton
6) Joe Root 190 v SA
7) Shai Hope, Ellyse Perry warrants an honourable mention as does Karun Nair
8) Ian Ward.
9) Cook’s resignation
10) Moeen Ali. Match-winning contributions with both bat and ball.
11) Virat Kohli
12) ….. is the majority of the people on it.
Aus to win 3-1, 4 centuries, Cook 330, Root 450, Broad to be top wicket taker.
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Would help if I answered the Ashes questions so here they are:
Who wins, and what will be the series score? Torn between 4-1 and 5-0 but with the Aussie squad announcement I’m going for 4-1
How many centuries will England make?
Three, Root, YJB and Mo
How many runs do you think (a) Cook and (b) Root will make?
Cook 267 Root 417
England’s top wicket-taker
Chris Woakes
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1. Where can I start, so many questions to ask? I think I’ll go with Andrew Strauss, because he’s the one whose ‘cleared the decks’ to try and win a one-day tournament with the result that we seem to not a) be winning tournaments such as even the ICCCT and our bowling is still naff in the shorter forms; and b) that there is little cover in the batting stocks despite him having been in charge with overseeing the development of England squads for 2 1/2 years.
2. Gideon Haigh, the most thoughtful and perceptive writer in cricket at this time me thinks.
3. Derek Pringle, be it the cricket paper or the metro he comes across as utterly out of touch on the sport that he stopped playing circa 1993 and lets be honest he was hardly ‘in touch’ when he was a test match player.
4.Graeme Swann (or Lovejoy as he’s known on here), narky muppet
5.Fazeer Mohammed – if only the Windies had a bowler with the smooth delivery (in the vocal sense) of the West Indian representative man in the TMS box, they wouldn’t have suffered the travesty of Edgbaston and the peanut gallery’s fawning over farmer boy.
6. Stokes at Edgbaston, but that is mainly because I saw it live. I would like to say that it was a maturing innings from a maturing individual but……………………..
7. Shai Hope, 2nd innings at Headingley.
8. Tom Collomosse – Evening Standard all-round sports guy. Big danger that he is going to end up concentrating more on football, even though he has done some fine cricket coverage in the past and I remember him being bang on when he was on Cricket Writers on TV a while ago.
9.Windies winning at Headingley for me too.
10. James Anderson – a king with the Duke ball and cloudy skies.
11. Rangana Herath – you keep thinking the old boy was going to fade away but not only does he keep on picking up wickets with his old skool SLAs he’s helped breathe new life into SL as they win in the UAE v Pakistan.
12. like any form of social media, it won’t and never will be a real barometer of what normal people truly think. Those who shout loud enough seemingly hold sway.
Ashes
4-1 Australia should the Aussies keep their first choice pace attack intact
4
Cook 260 Root 450
Broad
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1. England to win 3-1/3-2
2.at least 6 100s
3. Cook 210, root 400+
4. Woakes
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1. I struggle with so many choices, but I think I’ll have to go with Simon Hughes. Mainly because I really don’t think he realises quite how ridiculous and self-contradictory he is. He reminds me of the weak, skinny boy who hangs around with the gang of bullies just so he doesn’t get picked on. Desperate to be in the club and never quite believing that he’s made it….
2. Gideon Haigh. Every year.
3. Hard to choose between Andy Bull and George Dobell – both because they have shown they can be so much better but seem to have regressed to a very low mean. Overall I’ll go with Andy Bull – even when he was good in the past, he always had blindspots. Now he’s all blindspots.
4. Graeme Swann. By a country mile. I don’t see much TV cricket so perhaps there are worse out there though!
5. Really can’t think of anyone that I wouldn’t be recommending purely on hearsay…
6. Root’s 190. Though it’s hard these days to get enthusiastic about these things.
7. Ellyse Perry’s 213.
8. To be honest, most of the commenters here should be out there. The ones who already suck on the oxygen of publicity generally waste it, apart perhaps from Atherton.
9. Anya Shrubsole bowling that over in the World Cup. It’s nice to be able to celebrate English success every so often and genuinely be glad for the players.
10. Sarah Taylor. Mostly, but not just, because of her cricket.
11. Shai Hope. I like the ones that really annoy certain England players.
12. Without social media, I wouldn’t have this place. So there’s a lot that’s right with it! But what’s wrong is just a general societal wrong – too much drama, superficiality and excess emotion posing as reason or fact. I guess to end the sentence – its inevitable lack of depth.
Ashes predictions? I fear England will do better than they deserve, but I have no idea. Let’s go with 3-2 to Australia since nobody can bat for a draw anymore. England will make 4 centuries – Root, Bairstow, Stoneman and Ali. Cook will make one score over 50 which will be greeted with cheers from the Press Box but will herald nothing. Cook around 240 runs, Root 450. Top wicket taker might end up being Broad after Anderson breaks down.
Bear in mind my choices are coloured by watching almost no live cricket on TV, so having little experience of Sky. This may or may not be seen as a good thing!
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1. I haven’t changed my mind since last year, when we were asked to nominate four people. Given that one of them won, I am left choosing between three. I will rule out Flower on the grounds of actually achieving something before he went full Inspector Dreyfus. I don’t believe HDLWIA and subsequently this place would have gained such traction without *amusingly inappropriate initials* Downton, but he burned so very brightly for too short a time. Which leaves me with a man who links both of the rejected nominees, and again I don’t believe so many people would have flocked to HDWLIA and stayed for BOC without his abysmally one-sided reporting of a series of events – over 6 years from the Moores debacle to 355* – powerful enough to all but destroy my interest in cricket and absolutely destroy my support of English cricket. It is of course the one, the only, Mike Selvey. He does not feature in my thinking for worst journo anymore, but there’s no way I’m leaving him out of a conversation for an all-time award.
2. Tim Wigmore
3. Lazy, facile, self-aggrandising, combining the usual blue-tick arrogance with staggeringly simplistic “powers” of “argument”, relentless purveyor of establishment arslikhan, hilariously constant in his loves and hates in spite of evidence, self-consciously “inside cricket” at a time when many feel outside, and absolutely shouldn’t be within a thousand miles of editing a sports magazine of record. #39. FICJAM was runner-up, but I’ve all but tuned him out, so the winner near enough lapped the field this year.
4. Once again, FICJAM is runner-up. Other than the well-documented reasons for objection, he is actually rubbish at his most basic job. I was driving home one day, switched on TMS, heard Smith but left it on for the score. I waited… and waited… it took Agnew to tell us the effing score as soon as he took over and sat down. However once again the winner lapped the field (probably 29.96 times, to be honest). Lovejoy is absolutely beyond unbearable, possibly the single most teeth-itching commentator I have heard in 37 years of watching and listening to sport. I’m not exaggerating. Appreciate that I don’t have Channel 9, but from what I’ve read of them he’d fit right in. Absolutely god-awful.
5. Not sure anyone really stands out on TMS and I don’t have Sky. So I’m going to disregard his previous sins, acknowledge the very fine job he did on the TMS history programme, as well as his sense of fun and obvious love for the game, and vote for Jonathan Agnew.
6. Another vote for Joe Root’s 190 v SA.
7. Shai Hope’s second innings hundred at Headingley (easiest answer apart from Lovejoy).
8. Gideon Haigh
9. West Indies beating England in the Headingley Test/first-ever first-class twin tons at Headingley. Honourable mention to Cricinfo committing Ratner-level brand suicide.
10. Moeen Ali
11. Such is my neglect of the international game these days that I will just vote for Shai Hope. Speaking of neglect, if there was a negative equivalent of this award I would vote for AB de Villiers. You’d certainly be hard-pressed to find a more depressingly symbolic illustration of the state of international cricket.
12. … that most of it is so wearily predictable now.
The Ashes
1. Australia to win 3-1
2. 4 (Root 2, Bairstow, AN Other)
3. Ian’s answers were remarkably close to my first instinct, so I’ll be a little more generous to Cook and say 285, and go slightly wild with a big ton in a drawn game for Root and say 470.
4. Stuart Broad
Cheers!
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Great as always. I so agree on ABdeV. A tweet he issued recently, with photo, flogged about six or seven items in one hit. Have South Africans got fed up with him yet?
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1
Mount Cricketmore truly deserves
Someone in power, yet not just an msm serf
I could comma, Strauss, into a rock, po-faced coma
Or encompass ShinyToy for his #justsaying sh!t
Maybe LoveJoy for his ever open-mouthed stoma
But EmptySuit Harrison must be it
For his continued selling of the soul of Cricket.
2
I’m struggling with this one, as both msm paywalls
and cricinfo revamp continue to appall
so, not wishing to praise the available Guardianista
My journo is a Ms not a Mister
Neither a smoking gun or a smoked salmon
From wat little I’ve read, it’s Lizzie Ammon.
3
It depends on how you define a quality journalist
But e’en tho’ his output.has quantitatively declined, it must be ThePlagiarist.
4.
E-J C-L CR R-B
Still makes me hurl as she hurgh-hurghs in inanity.
5
Norcross is a good TMS addition
He just needs to slow down a little in his speak
So we can appreciate his erudition
As well as his occasional cheek.
6.
Cookie’s unbeaten 96 tomorrow
If he fails again, I’ll feel all your sorrow!
7
There is Hope in my heart for WI cricket revival
Tho’ I suspect more a weak fight for survival
8
So glad to see the Zaltzman thrust
But leave him be, on TMS a must
9
Selfey, pontificating from single seat coffee shops
Oh how his Lordship has failed to mingle, thus drops
Further into his own oblivion…
10
Mo, for his batting flow
Watching him truly makes me glow
11
Tho’ I hate his perfectly manicured beard
Virat Kohli is the bat to be feared
12
The main thing wrong with cricket on social media is…
The spread of shinytoyisms, lovejoy-schisms and flagrant fanboy short-termism…
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