The Bogfather missed the Ashes Panel, but he did provide me with his poetic input, so I thought, why not. Give him the floor….
So the Ashes Summer, in rhyme….
Where’d our summer go?
Where was the ebb and flow?
No context nor contests
Paucity in every city’s Test
No fight, no thought
Test cricket out-fought
By incredulous scheduling
And nebulous reasoning
If it swung, we won
If it didn’t, we were undone
Batting collapses, memory lapses
No guts in weak glory
Same old media story
Three day Tests played
With real fans betrayed
Enthusiasm drained
Thankfully, then it rained…
Dross on the pitch, not blood
Press puffery not in drips but floods
Strokeplay straight out of kintergarden
Nary a sign of batsmen battle hardened
Bar Root, Rogers and Smith
Far too much inelegant biff or miss
Tho’ I do have a soft spot for Mo
Briefly seen in scintillating flow
Saddened that Buttler never gave it a go
And Cook’s self love and batting ego
Left Lyth high and hopelessly run dry
The question now – who next to try?
Bell seems to have rung his last peal
KP back? We have to be real
Hales not to open, or even at three
Play him at 4/5 is what I’d like to see
Alternative opener is hard to call
We need a presence to strike thru’ the ball
Perhaps Root to three now that Cook ‘leads’ on
Save the captaincy for when sheep has gone…
At last some bowling that found the right length
Some excellent spells, Broad best, true intent
Yet when conditions weren’t as we’d like
The lack of variety left us unable to strike
And with the spin cupboard currently bare
We have to trust Mo’ with responsibility there
Push him up the order to five, use his batting flair
And ferchrissakes give Adil a run, in the UAE sun
Use Jimmy only when conditions suit the grumpy one
Look after Wood, let Stokes have free rein
Or injury management will be spotlit again
Not that the ECB will ever care a jot
Coffers still filling from us, the mob lot
So the Ashes, yes, we beat the feeble Aussies
Yet I still can’t separate the team from the ECB
For their ignorance and bullshit still riles me
And don’t even get me started on the ICC3…
To paraphprase Craig Doyle in those Everest adverts…. now you didn’t think a blog would give you that, did you?
My thanks to the Bogfather. We’re being different here. He’s also promised me a book review of the Barry Richards story written by Andrew Murtagh.
Also Sean B has promised me something too. So no getting out of it, Sean!
Cheers,
Dmitri.
Being Outside Cricket 
Nice one…. I like the idea of playing Hales down the order but reminded of Amiss and Gooch, who were much better as openers than in the middle order
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Let him have a chance to establish himself, without the worry of opening with ‘our leader’, then move up if successful/settled
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Lovely words bog
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Cheers ODB!
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Well done Bogfather! I ramble on, and you get to the heart of the matter in a few lines of rhyme.
This bit caught my eye…..
“Perhaps Root to three now that Cook ‘leads’ on
Save the captaincy for when sheep has gone…”
Have you noticed how the appointment of Root as the captain in waithing has acted as another safety net for Cook? People are now terrified that if we give Joe the captaincy his batting form will collapse. So Cook stays. How convienient!
Cooks entire career as captain has been either “TINA,” or “don’t give it to Root because he is not ready, and let him work on his game.”
It’s almost as if Machiavelli himself is steering his career. Which in fact he is. The dark forces of the ECB.
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Thanks Mark – far from my best effort! tried to answer the questions in one go, 25mins from first line to last! lol
Yes, the Cook legacy must not be troubled…. but I’d rather, for now, let Root keep that smile on his face
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Bell not quitting Tests.
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Enjoyable read as always, Bogfather.
Meanwhile, Ian Bell confirms that he isn’t retiring:
http://metro.co.uk/2015/08/28/ian-bell-exclusive-im-in-no-way-ready-to-finish-i-still-have-plenty-i-want-to-achieve-in-test-cricket-5364510/
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I wonder why he then hinted that he had some announcement he wanted to make? If he is in “no way ready to finish” why not say it at the end of the last Test? He might have changed his mind of course since then, but it seems odd.
But he will need to start scoring some runs now. England just one a series without one of their openers or their number 3 or their wicket keeper contributing with the bat.
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Could have been a smart move by I.Ron Bell to drop a few hints, he hasn’t been around the England camp for 11 years without learning something. He now gets allowed to give up ODIs – once upon a time players couldn’t ask for that, of course, without it causing a hell of a row. But now our own dear captain has shown how beneficial it’s been for his game.
Still I hope he gets some rest, he’s looking seriously tired.
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Awesome stuff Bogs. One of the many reasons why I come here rather than the MSM.
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I just pop in with rhythm…. ta
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“Tho’ I do have a soft spot for Mo
Briefly seen in scintillating flow”
My favourite bit, Boggers. Thank you.
I see cricinfo have found a stat to further polish Cook[y]’s crown up. He’s top of the control factor chart, apparently. And Moeen’s at the bottom.
My. Heart. Sinks.
http://www.espncricinfo.com/magazine/content/story/914403.html
Have they spent the last week manufacturing this spurious baloney or have I just missed it by living in Normal Street? Apologies if this ain’t new news.
Glad a lot of the comments seem to dislike it.
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It comes up while you have the cricinfo live commentary open, along with stuff like wagon wheels. I have always ignored it, the same way I do possession stats in football.
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Some soulless drone is probably compiling a control factor analysis of Pietersen’s 158 as we speak, ready to inflict on the world a fortnight tomorrow…
And a Botham v Tavare analysis for 1981, for good measure.
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Thanks for reading MM…. then you depress me with your link!
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Sorry fella. It was just the most pointless stat ever constructed though, wasn’t it?
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“In the earlier series of the summer, against New Zealand, Cook’s control factor was only marginally higher – 89.7% – but his average in that series was more than twice as high: 77.25, with three 50-plus scores in four innings, ”
So in effect the ‘control factor,’ (which has probably been pulled out of some anyalists arse) is completely meaningless. The old adage of its “not how, but how many ” was probably too simplistic. However, if you have a high control factor, but don’t score big runs, you are obviously not taking advantage of your form.
This makes Cooks performances even worse for my money. Because he was in form, but only made 2 50s. So much for Iron Rod.
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Control penalizes batsmen who go for their shots setting up a declaration / and or are batting with the tail. The other thing is that if a bowler is bowling 2 feet outside off, and there is no movement, and you don’t play a shot, you’re in control too. Never mind the fact that it was an opportunity to cash in.
And who is to decide what “control” is? Textbook style shots? Or does ugly but effective, like Graeme Smith count too as being in control?
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It screams subjectivity doesn’t it?
I’m an interested observer in the sabermetrics v observation statisical battle in baseball, and have started reading a 8 or year so old book trying to bring the same thing to football. I’m sure some people are looking for the definitive “answer” and it just isn’t there. Instead you make your best guess, and to do so you use the evidence before you.
I’l read more about control stats, but do you get extra style points for the outcome. I’m going to exaggerate, but if you’ve ever seen the KP (you can groan haters) shot where he takes a good length, slightly outside off ball from Steyn and just creams it through mid-wicket for four (at Headingley), and someone else lets it go by, do they score the same?
It’s like fielding statistics in baseball. It’s an obsession to get an objective mark, because for years the fielding award (Gold Glove) went to a Yankee short stop who by metrics was among the worst at his position because of his range. The rows about that!!!!
I love stats, I love exploring the quirkiness, and some of the stories behind them, but they can become a bit manically obsessive. This one seems a bit weak to me.
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American sport seems more obssesed with these sort of things, but it is catching on here. As D’ARTHEZ says it has a bias towards the defensive player who plays few shots. As you say Dmitri it misses the point of an exciting innings like KP or Ian Botham.
How many times did George Best try to run past a defender only to lose the ball? But you don’t remember those. Only the moment when he beat the player. It’s sport reduced to being run by accountants. (Cost of everything value of nothing.)
If you have a control rating of 80 odd, and only score two 50s it is a pointless measure.
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Magnificent Trevor – you can return to your lovestruck poetry now.
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Thanks…..Ok Chappers, will do (it was called something else before…)
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Excellent work, Bogfather!
Or as Ed Smith might say, the poetics of the gaze replays (in parodic form) the discourse of linguistic transparency..
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I contend that Ed might say that the liberalism of mobility is hardly prosaic in its poetic reinforcement..
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EdsMythRight-err replies….
To facilitate without phallus affectations
So verbally esquired and enchanted
Leads to faux Gryllidae delectation
Herbally enhanced and mob slanted…
(cont, page 101101)
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Ed would do an in depth assesment of the character Yosser Hughes, and his catch phrase ” give us a job.”
And what does this say about late 20th century post industrial Britain in relation to T20 batsmans scoring rates in the new millennium?
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I, FICJAM, once had a little dog. When that dog got old, he was not as fast. I think that’s a parable for us all. Elegant escape mechanisms, maybe lack elegance.
I would contend that the emergence of consumption furnishes a provisional lens for the analysis of the construction of the specular economy.
Subordinate-rated estimated losses: in the commodities exchange, be sure to cover them.
While doing so I would highly recommend Rice Tea served with Deep-fried Salmon and Turkey Paste washed down with the latest from Mosquito Creek Vineyards, which brings together delicate tangerine midtones and a burnt garlic aftertaste in their 2007 Chardonnay.
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Ah Zeph
I’m down, bereft
at the mention of Ed
In the same breath… 😉
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All these FICJAM-isms. That random word generator could be dangerous in the wrong hands!
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Actually, it’s Kindergarten…yes, I’ll get my coat.
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I blame the site idoter…. 🙂
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So, they crammed in all the test matches so that they could have a break before the 500 ODIs and T20s – who’d have thought of such brilliant scheduling????
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Two bits of news this morning:
1) Sky have won the rights to the UAE tour.
2) Ian Bell retiring from ODIs but says he wants to tour Australia in 16/17.
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1) Sky getting twitchy over BT invasion? More money for the monied, less cricket for us mob..
2) Well, he’d best score some runs… you can’t always get what you want… unless you’re ‘Our Leader’…
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Just a note
Thanking you all
For reading my poetic emotes…
If you or, this ‘company board’
Would like me to do some more
Then, I’ll leave it to your vote
cheers
Boggy
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